Boners

Boner (Round One) for December 15th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: THERE’S AN ABORTION IN MY TEA.

A doctor is facing several charges after his girlfriend said he spiked her drink with an abortion pill, causing her to lose her unborn baby, according to WROC. Brook Fiske and Sikander Imran had been dating on and off for three years, when Imran, a doctor, moved from Rochester to Arlington, Va., for a new job. That’s when he learned Fiske was pregnant.  “He didn’t want to have a baby so he tried to talk me into having an abortion, which I didn’t want to do,” Fiske said. Fiske said she was 17 weeks pregnant when she went to Virginia to visit Imran to plan how they would raise the child. Fiske claims that’s when Imran poisoned her. “When I was drinking my tea in the evening, I got to the bottom of the cup, there was a gritty substance in there,” Fiske said. “And when I looked at it, I could tell that it was a pill that had been ground up.”

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Boner Candidate #2: IF THIS AIN’T IRONY I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS.

India is on the hunt for it’s Happiness Minister — who is wanted for murder and on the lam since Tuesday, when a court ordered his arrest, the BBC reported. Lal Singh Arya is wanted for the 2009 murder of a Congressional leader and was scheduled to appear in court on Dec. 19. “Police teams are looking for him. We are positive that we will track him down by then,” local cops told AFP. Arya, 53, was tasked with ensuring “the happiness and tolerance,” of the citizens of Madhya Pradesh in 2016, by creating “an ecosystem that would enable people to realize their own potential of inner wellbeing.”

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Boner Candidate #3: DRINK MY VODKA WILL YA?

Raymond Leuser, 48, was ordered held without bond as prosecutors laid out the alleged motive for Tuesday’s shooting at Leuser’s home on Chicago’s Southwest Side. Leuser is a sergeant with the Indian Head Park Police Department and once served as interim chief. Now, he is charged with attempting to murder his 22-year-son. In court Thursday afternoon, prosecutors offered this narrative: Leuser called in sick on Monday, stopped by a convenience store and bought vodka, pizza and popcorn. Around 2:30 a.m. Tuesday, the son drank three cups of the vodka and replaced it with water.

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