Boner of the Day

Boner (Round One) for December 7th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: WELL, THEY WEREN’T GOING TO USE THEM

The mayor of a small Florida city has been arrested on allegations that she used dead people’s disabled parking permits to park at City Hall. The Polk County Sheriff’s Office said Davenport Mayor Darlene Bradley was arrested Tuesday and faces felony charges of using a deceased person’s identification. She also was charged with possessing an altered or counterfeit decal. Davenport is a small city located in central Florida. The sheriff’s office says Bradley was videotaped parking in the disabled spot recently, and that a search of her home led to the discovery of permits issued to two people who have died.

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Boner Candidate #2: I THOUGHT IT WAS ‘STEAL WITH THE SHERIFF’

The Washoe County Sheriff’s Office has reported that a man, 33-year-old Travis Volpicelli, was arrested after he allegedly attempted to steal $800 worth of merchandise from Walmart right in the middle of Shop With the Sheriff. Volpicelli was originally stopped by Walmart security after trying to walk out of the store with a cart full of items. Sheriff’s deputies were then called over, and he was arrested.

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Boner Candidate #3: LIKE ZIMMERMAN, I WAS STANDING MY GROUND.

A tennis instructor in Florida busted for child abuse after hitting a 5-year-old boy with a racket wants charges against him dismissed under the state’s Stand Your Ground self-defense law. Osmailer Torres, of Miami, was charged with third-degree child abuse in August 2016 after police said he took the boy’s child-sized racket and struck him with it while at a playground at a church in Miami. Surveillance video obtained by the Miami Herald shows Torres, 30, whacking the boy and then leading him away from other children, leaving him with injuries to his right arm and his eyebrow. But in a motion seeking statutory immunity from prosecution, an attorney for Torres claims his client was simply protecting his other students at the time. “Immediately prior to the alleged incident, Mr. Torres had to separate the child from other pupils to avoid further injuries to those other students,” attorney Eduardo Pereira wrote in the motion. “When Mr. Torres separated the alleged victim (as captured on CCTV), the alleged victim returned with his racquet in the air and was poised to strike again against the other students and Mr. Torres.”

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