Boners

Boner (Round One) for January 4th, 2018

Boner Candidate #1: DEEP STATE DEGENERES

Eric Trump apparently thinks talk show host Ellen Degeneres is part of the so-called deep state. On Tuesday, President Donald Trump’s second son shared a screenshot of Twitter’s suggestions for accounts he may like to follow. They included his father’s 2016 Democratic election rival Hillary Clinton, former President Barack Obama and DeGeneres. The “deep state” conspiracy theory, which has been repeatedly pushed by the president, revolves around the idea that a deep-rooted civil service is working to delegitimize his administration. It’s unclear whether Eric Trump was claiming that Clinton, Obama and DeGeneres were part of the “deep state,” but his post prompted widespread ridicule.

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Boner Candidate #2: HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?

A woman who set up a GoFundMe account for her slain co-worker’s 11-year-old daughter ended up pocketing more than $35,000, officials said. Police said a GoFundMe campaign raised about $38,000 for the daughter of Stephanie Goodloe, a church youth ministry director in Washington, DC, who was killed in her home near Capitol Hill in June 2016. Her ex-boyfriend, Donald Hairston, 49, has been charged with first-degree murder in her death. But the money raised never reached Goodloe’s daughter, The Washington Post reported. Instead, Arlene Petty, 30, from Capitol Heights, Md., “kept the majority of the funds raised for herself.” Petty has been charged with one count of first-degree fraud over the fund. “We plan on following this case really closely,” Goodloe’s cousin, Kim Smith, told the Washington Post in reference to the fraud charge against Petty. “Along with the murder trial, this is yet another case that the family has to follow so we know that justice has been served.”

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Boner Candidate #3: THIRST QUENCHER FOR DUMMIES

We’re not even a full week into 2018, and the trendy health-conscious people of California have already flung a new and completely unnecessary health trend our way: The “raw water” movement. According to the New York Times, the raw water movement is taking hold of the West Coast, especially in Silicon Valley and San Francisco, where people are trying to “get off the water grid.” If you’re confused as to what this means, let me assure you that it confuses me too. Without thinking about it too deeply, one can assume “raw water” probably means something like bottled puddle water, or rain collected in a mason jar. According to a company called Live Water — who sells 2.5 gallon jugs of water for $37 — raw water is unfiltered, unsterilized, and untreated spring water from Opal Springs in Culver, Oregon, that has probiotic properties and beneficial minerals that normal water doesn’t have.

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