Boner of the Day

Boner (Round One) for January 9th, 2018

Boner Candidate #1: IT’S THEIR GENETICS AND THAT.

Put this in your pipe and smoke it: A Kansas lawmaker thinks marijuana should be illegal because he said black people are genetically unable to handle its effects. State Rep. Steve Alford (R) spoke out on Saturday against legalizing pot using the type of racist “logic” commonly heard when “Reefer Madness” was considered a serious documentary. “What you really need to do is go back in the ’30s, when they outlawed all types of drugs in Kansas [and] across the United States,” Alford said, according to the Garden City Telegram. “One of the reasons why, I hate to say it, was that the African-Americans, they were basically users and they basically responded the worst off to those drugs just because of their character makeup, their genetics and that.”

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Boner Candidate #2: THAT WILL MAKE HIM LISTEN TO ME

An Arizona woman is facing charges after police say she fired shots at her husband while he sat on the toilet to make him “listen.” KNXV-TV reports 69-year-old Linda Jean Fahn recently was arrested following a frantic call from her husband. He told Goodyear police Fahn barged in while he was using the restroom and fired two shots above his head. According to a police report, Fahn told officers, “I shot two bullets at the wall above his head to make him listen to me.” Police say the shots were fired about seven inches above the man’s head as he was slouched on the toilet.

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Boner Candidate #3: IT WAS A HUGE SPIDER; I HAD TO DO IT.

A Northern California man determined to exterminate a spider ended up setting fire to his own apartment Sunday, according to the Redding Record Searchlight. “It was a huge wolf spider,” said Lyndsey Wisegarver, a caregiver to one of the residents of the apartment that caught fire. Wisegarver told the paper that another resident used a torch-style lighter to try and kill the arachnid after spotting it in an upstairs bedroom.  The flame didn’t kill the spider instantly, however – the burning arachnid reportedly ran onto a mattress, setting it on fire. Wisegarver said the fire also spread to the drapes and a flag collection. After tenants failed to put out the blaze using a garden hose, Redding firefighters responded and managed to extinguish the fire before it spread to other units. The fire caused an estimated $11,000 in damage.

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