Boners

Boner (Round One) For July 10th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: NO AC! NO AC!

A New Mexico man was accused of attacking his parents with a knife because of a lack of air conditioning in their home, according to a report. Robert Generosa of Albuquerque lost his cool and threatened to stab his elderly parents, Fox6Now.com reported, citing court documents. Generosa then sliced his father’s face multiple times and whacked him on his head with the knife handle, according to the report. After a police stand-off, Generosa was charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. Neighbors were stunned by the bloody incident. “I’ve seen him for years, and he’s always been a nice individual, you know?…He’s been very kind,” William Gray told Fox6Now.com.

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Boner Candidate #2: THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDANCE IS TRASH

NPR tweeted the entire Declaration of Independence in 140-character chunks yesterday to celebrate Independence Day. But more than a few people thought that the tweets were a political stance against Donald Trump. Seriously. The Declaration of Independence is one of the most cherished documents in the United States. We even make movies about it like it’s the Ark of the Covenant. But some Trump supporters were a bit confused yesterday, and saw phrases like “unworthy the Head of a civilized nation” as biased. They assumed that NPR was blasting the current president rather than King George in 1776. NPR has been reading the Declaration of Independence on air in a tradition that dates back 29 years. And in fairness, the Declaration of Independence is a pretty anti-authoritarian document. So it makes sense that people might believe that it’s a statement against all tyrants. But you’d think that people who want to “make America great again” might recognize the words of the Declaration of Independence. I guess not. The line about the right of the people to abolish the current government and form a new one struck a chord with some Trump enthusiasts. And some people were particularly offended by the line about King George being an “unworthy” leader of a civilized nation, believing that perhaps NPR was talking about a different tyrant: Some Trump supporters even called the Declaration of Independence “trash”

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Boner Candidate #3: DON’T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?

Flight crews have been having a hard time lately, dragging innocent passengers off of planes and whatnot, but sometimes, people really get what’s coming to them. Did Joseph Daniel Hudek IV deserve to have a wine bottle smashed over his head by a flight attendant as Delta Air Lines Flight 129 sailed over the Pacific Ocean toward its destination in Beijing? Based on everything we know, hell yes he did. Hudek, who was flying on a dependent pass courtesy of his mother, a Delta employee, boarded the Boeing 767 at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport a little before 5 p.m. on Thursday. He did not appear intoxicated at the time he sat down, an FBI affidavit confirms. The 23-year-old ordered a beer and was served one, and all was well for about an hour into the flight…until Hudek went to the bathroom. The complaint says that Hudek entered the lavatory briefly before reemerging to ask a flight attendant a question. That done, he returned to the bathroom and was there for around two minutes before he burst out the door and lunged for the emergency exit, grabbing the handle and attempting to open it. What the hell, Hudek! Two flight attendants dove to stop Hudek, who pushed them away and continued to try to open the door. Delta staff later reported that Hudek did successfully move the handle halfway up, which could have opened at the altitude the plane was flying had it been fully disarmed.

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