Boners

Boner (Round One) for July 12th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: IT’S BETTER THAN POO.

A CARER was filmed spraying perfume in a dementia patient’s mouth after the gran’s family installed a hidden camera, a court heard yesterday. Susan Draper, 43, laughed while covering 78-year-old Betty Boylan with Impulse body spray and then said: “It’s better than poo.” Betty’s family put a camera in her Bupa care home in September after finding bruises on her. Prosecutor Shawn Williams said the carer sprayed the contents of an aerosol can from about a foot away from Betty. He added: “She is spraying in her face and the response from Betty is ‘stop it’. “Betty gurgles and coughs but she is not able to move out of the way herself. “She is not able to express herself in a way to register she wants it to stop.”

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Boner Candidate #2: I WAS TRYING TO PUT OUT THE FIRE.

A woman dumped a bucket of pee on her burning boyfriend — after she set him ablaze in the first place, according to a report. Pittsburgh woman Leigh Ann Sepelyak, 38, on Saturday allegedly poured gasoline on her sleeping boyfriend and lit him on fire with a cigarette — before she and her parents used a pail of pee, which the couple used as a toilet, to douse the blaze. “The parents, when they heard screaming and smelled the smoke, helped put him out — I think with the same urine — and went to the hospital,” Penn Hills police Chief Howard Burton told TribLive Pittsburgh. The fire burned 25 to 35 percent of the man’s lower body, Bustron said. It didn’t damage the rest of the house.

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Boner Candidate #3: HE SHOULD HAVE SENT THEM AN ARM AND A LEG.

An Olympia, Washington man who authorities say mailed one of his fingers to the IRS is now facing federal charges. The Seattlepi.com reported Monday that 68-year-old Normand Lariviere was charged with mailing a threat to injure after IRS workers in Ogden, Utah discovered a package containing a fake bomb July 6. Charging papers say he also sent his finger, a bullet and a marijuana joint to tax collectors in 2016. Court documents say Lariviere has been upset with the IRS since he was laid off in the 1990s from his job as a civilian defense contractor. He began filing grievances with federal agencies related to the Department of Defense, saying he shouldn’t have to pay taxes because the government hadn’t satisfied his claims.

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