Boner Candidate #1: I CAN TELL IF YOU ARE POSSESSED BY THE PRONOUNS YOU USE
Christian minister and failed Republican politician E.W. Jackson made a stunningly stupid claim on his radio show this week, saying those who use the gender nonconforming “they/them” pronouns are doing so because they are possessed by multiple demons. “This whole thing of going to a plural pronoun,” Jackson said, “to me, it is a subconscious spiritual admission of demon possession by multiple demons.” “The only single individual I’m familiar with who spoke from the plural pronoun was Legion,” he added, referencing the Biblical story where Jesus cast demons out of the man. “Think about that: You’re not to be referred to by the single ‘he’ or ‘she’ but the plural pronoun ‘they.’ Who is the ‘they’ in there? We know who the ‘they’ in there is: a bunch of devils,” he concluded. He also criticized aides given to teachers to help them better understand and serve their transgender and gender nonconforming students.
Boner Candidate #2: I’M KIND OF WITH HER ON THIS ONE.
A Pennsylvania professor known for her expertise on consumer trends has been charged with keying her neighbors’ cars. Bridgeville police say Duquesne University professor Audrey Guskey told them she gets upset when others park their vehicles in front of her residence. Police have charged the marketing and communications expert with criminal mischief. They say she scratched four cars with a key and caused more than $10,000 total damage in June. Police say a neighbor set up a camera that captured Guskey damaging his girlfriend’s car June 17.
Boner Candidate #3: YOU TEACHERS NEED TO START DYING OFF. IT’S FOR THE GOOD OF THE KIDS.
Public school teachers are too slow to embrace classroom technology purchased by the state, according to some Utah lawmakers. They voiced that concern Wednesday as members of the state Legislature’s Public Education Appropriations Committee met to discuss software “fidelity,” or the rate of students achieving a minimum number of hours using software programs. Sen. Howard Stephenson, R-Draper, said too many teachers are unwilling to abandon their traditional lesson plans in favor of computer-enhanced teaching. He then evoked a biblical reference, wondering aloud what it might take for Utah to see widespread implementation of school technology. “Are we going to have to wait like Moses did,” Stephenson said, “wandering 40 years in the wilderness for the old ones to die off before we can really embrace this with fidelity?”
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