Boners

Boner (Round One) for June 9th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: ARIANA GRANDE IS THE PIED PIPER OF SODOMY.

A US pastor has claimed that singer Ariana Grande could be more dangerous than the terrorists who killed innocent children at her concert. 22 innocent people were killed during the attack on the singer’s concert in Manchester, UK, last month. Over the weekend, Maryland pastor David Whitney delivered a sermon in which he questioned whether Grande’s support for LGBT rights and support for her gay brother are actually more harmful. In his sermon, picked up by Right Wing Watch, Whitney explains: “I did a little research about what she was about, and everything she stands for is quite eye opening. She is an open advocate for sodomy.

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Boner Candidate #2: GOD DOESN’T LIKE WOMEN WITH SHORT HAIR.

Last weekend at EQUIP 2017, a Christian conference for women in Sydney, Australia, a speech that was ostensibly about holiness went far off the track. Rather than talk about the power of prayer, the need to read the Bible more, or asking what Jesus would do, speaker Carmelina Read asked women with short hair to reconsider their life choices. During a talk about the meaning of Bible verses on male headship — where men are leaders in the home and the church — an image of newly-shorn actress Kristen Stewart flashed onto an overhead screen. Was this platinum blonde buzz cut, asked the speaker, Carmelina Read, appropriate for a woman? Was it feminine and submissive, or instead flagging independence and rebellion?

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Boner Candidate #3: 911? I GOTTA GET DOWN TO THE HOOTERS!

A Florida man wanted to go to Hooters so badly that authorities say he told 911 dispatchers he needed a ride to the restaurant because his grandmother had just suffered a stroke in the parking lot. Instead, 28-year-old Jonathan Hinkle got a ride to the Brevard County Jail Tuesday night after deputies searched for three hours for his grandmother. When they finally found her at another location, she said she hasn’t had a stroke or asked anyone for help. News outlets say Hinkle told the dispatcher he’d pay responders to take him to the Hooters on Florida’s Atlantic coast.

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