Boners

Boner (Round One) for May 8th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: REMEMBER, YOU ARE WHAT YOU WEAR.

A Stark County man is arrested for drinking and driving – while wearing a t-shirt that reads “This guy needs a beer.” It all started when Jeremy Dean hit a car and kept on driving. He went to bank to use the ATM, when the woman whose car he hit confronted him. He fled, but left his ATM card in the machine. When police caught up with him, he had a blood-alcohol content of .316 – nearly four times the legal limit.

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Boner Candidate #2: HEY GRAMPS CAN YOU TURN DOWN THE PORN PLEASE?

An elderly man who struggles with his hearing has reportedly been fined £85 fine after continuously terrorising his neighbours with loud porn. The man, who has only been identified as a man over 75, allegedly made his neighbours’ lives hell by watching porn films with the volume turned all the way up at his home in Hennef, Germany. His neighbours, a couple in their mid-sixties, said they had been so put off by the sexual noises from next door, they could no longer watch their favourite series in the afternoon. They had already reached a settlement with the man in November 2015 before a district court in Bonn after the neighbours took the elderly pensioner to court.

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Boner Candidate #3: DON’T JUST SAY BOO; VOTE THESE GUYS OUT OF OFFICE

Conservative Rep. Raul Labrador, R-Idaho, was criticized for the Republican health care bill at a recent town hall meeting. The Spokesman-Review reported that Labrador defended his support for the bill despite the heavy criticism coming from the crowd at the town hall meeting Friday. Labrador told the audience that the bill will reduce health insurance costs for a majority of Americans. He repeatedly said that health care is not a constitutional right. The mother of a child with a life-threatening disorder told Labrador that the bill would lower her son’s access to lifesaving medications. Labrador responded by saying he also owed a responsibility to the many Americans harmed by the Affordable Care Act.

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