Boner of the Day

Boner (Round One) for November 21st, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: I CAN’T REMEMBER WHERE I PARKED.

Many of us have misplaced our car in a parking garage at some point or another, convinced for a frightening moment that it’s gone for good. Likely very few of us, however, have given up that car for stolen, only to have it come back to us decades later. But that’s what happened to a man in Germany this week, the Independent reports. Twenty years ago, the unnamed man reported his car stolen to police in the German city of Frankfurt, and last week the police found it at last—in the garage of an old industrial building that was due to be demolished. Unable to go ahead with the demolition with the car inside the building, the people who found it reported the car to the police; they tracked down the owner, who is now 76. Apparently the man had forgotten where he parked the car back in 1997 and assumed it had been stolen.

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Boner Candidate #2: SORRY, BUT IT’S OKAY…I WENT TO CHURCH

An Ohio Supreme Court justice who boasted of having sex with 50 “very attractive women” is now apologizing for his comments and said he went to church to “get right with God” on Sunday. William O’Neill said he was sorry to his family, friends and “thousands of strangers” who were hurt by his Facebook post on Friday in which he decided to “speak up on behalf of all heterosexual males” in light of critics calling for the resignation of Democratic US Sen. Al Franken after a woman accused him of groping her.“There comes a time in everyone’s life when you have to admit you were wrong,” O’Neill wrote. “It is Sunday morning and I am preparing to go to church and get right with God … I am sorry. I have damaged the national debate on the very real subject of sexual harassment, abuse and unfortunately rape. It is not a laughing matter.”

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Boner Candidate #3: FUST BECAUSE THE FAA CAN’T STOP YOU DOESN’T MEAN YOU SHOULD DO IT.

The annual, reasonably disgraceful tradition of an “anonymous” pilot dropping live turkeys from hundreds of feet in the air in Yellville, Arkansas, continued this fall, with several birds dropped on Oct. 14. The FAA said then they were looking into it, but it conceded to HuffPost on Saturday that there was nothing they could do to stop it. Officials say the event, which is known locally as the “turkey drop,” is out of their control, because the pilot doesn’t appear to be breaking any state or local laws. The FAA told HuffPost they examined their own statutes relating to the matter and came to the same conclusion. From HuffPost: The FAA spokesman explained to HuffPost that the agency has no power when it comes to animal welfare issues. “Our regulations only cover ‘objects,’ and specify that they can be dropped from aircraft as long as they don’t pose a danger to people or property on the ground,” he said. “In this case, investigators determined that the pilot did not violate FAA safety regulations because the turkeys were dropped over a creek and a park, well away from crowds at the festival.” The turkey drop has been happening for at least 50 years; according to The Baxter Bulletin, twelve turkeys were dropped in 2016, with two, “failing to slow their descent and dying upon impact.”

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