Boners

Boner (Round One) for November 27th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: YOU DON’T EXPECT A FROG

This would make anyone hopping mad. A Florida couple says they discovered a dead frog in one of their water glasses earlier this month when they sat down for a meal at a Tallahassee Waffle House, local station WCTV reported Thursday. Claire Sheats says her husband sipped some ice water before he noticed the frog floating in the cup. They immediately filmed a video showing the frog in the glass before pouring it out onto the table and calling over the waitress. The employee isn’t seen in the video, but her reaction ― “What the hell?” ― can definitely be heard. Sheats said she and her husband left without eating the meal they ordered, and that she filed complaints with state health inspectors and Waffle House corporate officials. The Waffle House location passed a later inspection, though the restaurant was cited for 11 violations, according to records from the Florida Department of Business and Professional Regulation obtained by the station. The inspection report did not mention the frog incident.

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Boner Candidate #2: I DON’T BELIEVE IN SCIENCE

UPDATE: Hughes has had to postpone his planned launch for the time being, The Washington Post reported Friday. Hughes said he was unable to obtain the required permits to launch on public land, but now plans for it to take place sometime next week on private property.

PREVIOUSLY: A self-taught rocket engineer who claims he believes the earth is flat plans to launch himself nearly 2,000 feet in the air on a homemade steam rocket this Saturday. “Mad” Mike Hughes, a 61-year-old limo driver, told The Associated Press that he’ll be lifting off over the California ghost town of Amboy, traveling about a mile at 500 mph, reaching 1,800 feet in altitude and then exiting via parachute. The amateur rocket scientist has been making national headlines not just for the stunt, but for his self-professed bizarre attitude toward science, given the circumstances. For one thing, his primary sponsor in the endeavor is reportedly a group called Research Flat Earth. Photos that Hughes has posted on Facebook show the words “RESEARCH FLAT EARTH” painted in large letters across the bright red rocket’s side.

Boner Candidate #3: MEET OLIVIA GARTON

An Arkansas couple who once ate at Olive Garden daily for nearly seven weeks plans to name their first child, due in December, Olivia Garton. Justin and Jordan Garton, of Fort Smith, are Arkansas natives who grew up going to Olive Garden. “I’m only the third generation on my dad’s side to be born in America,” said Jordan Garton, 26. “I just love Italian food and growing up in Arkansas that’s pretty much one of the only Italian places that we ever got to go.” In 2015, shortly after they got married, the Gartons purchased a “never ending pasta pass” from Olive Garden. The $100 pass allows customers to have unlimited pasta and Coca-Cola soft drinks at their local Olive Garden for a limited time. “We committed to eating there every day for six or seven weeks to get our money’s worth,” said Justin Garton, 28, an actor who works in a furniture store to make ends meet. “It saved us several hundred dollars when we really needed it.” When Jordan Garton became pregnant with the couple’s first child, they immediately looked to give their daughter a name with Italian origins.

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