Boner of the Day

Boner (Round One) for September 15th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: DUDE, WE WERE HAVIN’ SOME FUN WITH NATURE.

Federal authorities are looking for two jet skiers after receiving tips they were “pursuing and riding over-top” humpback whales in Resurrection Bay in July. Photos posted Tuesday on a National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration Facebook page – alongside a plea for tips — show the jet skiers very close to surfacing whales near a rocky outcrop. The Marine Mammal Protection Act requires people to maintain a 100-yard safety perimeter around humpback whales, said Allyson Rogers, a communications officer with NOAA’s law enforcement division. Federal authorities are looking for two jet skiers after receiving tips they were “pursuing and riding over-top” humpback whales in Resurrection Bay in July. (NOAA via Facebook) Officers are hoping to speak with the jet skiers in order to learn why they were so close to the whales in the photos, Rogers said. It’s possible the whales emerged unexpectedly near the watercraft and no law was violated, she said.

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Boner Candidate #2: THIS IS WHY WE TELL THEM “DON’T BRING YOUR GUN”

A Minnesota college security guard who said he was shot by a suspicious person on campus Tuesday night was arrested Wednesday after reportedly admitting to police he shot himself. Brent Patrick Ahlers, 25, a security officer at St. Catherine University in St. Paul has been charged with “filing a false police report, a misdemeanor,” The Star Tribune reported. Ahlers told police he was shot in the shoulder by a suspicious person at a wooded area near the college. St. Paul Police placed the college on lockdown as officers investigated the area and looked for the gunman while Ahlers was treated for noncritical injuries.

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Boner Candidate #3: HE WAS JUST EXERCISING HIS RIGHTS OF FREE SPEECH

A New Jersey man has been arrested for allegedly spray painting a penis on the side of truck, and attempting to tag the trucker himself, following a dispute in the Lincoln Tunnel on Tuesday morning. According to the Port Authority, the altercation took place around 9:30 a.m., after the motorists nearly crashed on the New Jersey side of the tunnel. The two men exchanged insults while traveling alongside each other, until they reached a red light on the New York side of the expressway. At the light, “the driver of the Toyota reportedly got out of his car and spray painted an image on the victim’s truck and attempted to spray paint at the victim,” said Joe Pentangelo, a spokesperson for the Port Authority. “The victim thwarted the suspect’s attempt by blocking the paint stream with his hand,” he added.

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