Boners

Boner (Round One) for September 25th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: THEY WILL THROW THE BOOK AT HIM…THE BOOK OF MORMON, THAT IS

A man was arrested for trashing a Smith’s grocery store Tuesday and was caught because of an item he left behind. Police say that 49 year old Kevin Morris had already trespassed at this Smith’s on Freedom Boulevard last year.  Sergeant Brian Taylor of the Provo Police Department says that on Tuesday afternoon he came back and allegedly vandalized an employees-only area before escaping through an alarmed door. “We quickly realized with the help of store management that that individual had badly damaged an employee breakroom,” Sgt. Taylor said. “He had smashed out ceiling tiles, causing $4000 to $5000 of damage.” Store employees were able to identify Mr. Morris through surveillance video and by what he left behind: a copy of The Book of Mormon with his name on it.

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Boner Candidate #2: WE SAW IT AS A BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY.

A group of four inmates in Mississippi broke out of jail to burglarize a bargain store and then broke back in and returned to their cells undetected, police say. Levontaye Ellington, Travis Baker, Maurice Robertson and Jacquiez Williams all escaped from the Holmes-Humphreys County Correctional Facility in Lexington on Tuesday by jumping over a fence, Mississippi News Now reported. The four men then walked less than a mile from the jail to a Dollar General chain store where they were caught on surveillance cameras grabbing goods inside, police say. ‘They stole cigarettes, cigarette lighters, phones and just items they felt they could sell in jail,’ Lexington Police Chief Robert Kirklin told Mississippi News Now.

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Boner Candidate #3: TALLY HO, DUDE; SOME HELP PLEASE.

A group “incapable of walking” after smoking cannabis had to be rescued from England’s highest mountain, police say. The four climbers sparked a three-hour mountain rescue operation after getting stuck on Scafell Pike in Cumbria’s Lake District yesterday afternoon. Cumbria Police said “words fail us” after mountain rescue, air support and ambulance crews had to be dispatched to the 978 metre (3,209 ft) peak when the walkers got a lot higher than they expected. Police received an emergency call from the “incapacitated” group who said they were stuck on the mountain after taking the Class B drug.

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