Boners

Boner (Round Two) for April 12th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: PEANUT HAZING

A man was charged Monday for allegedly hazing a Central Michigan University student with a severe peanut allergy by smearing peanut butter on his face, prosecutors said. Dale Merza, 20, of Rochester Hills, turned himself in to police on Friday, according to Isabella County Prosecutor’s office. He was charged with hazing that resulted in physical injury. Merza is accused of smearing peanut butter on Andrew Seely’s face while he was passed out at Alpha Chi Rho — an off-campus fraternity at the university — last October, police said. Seely, 19, was a freshman at the time. The incident caught nationwide attention in March when Seely’s mother, Teresa Seely, posted a photo of her son’s face after the alleged hazing incident, FOX 2 Detroit reported. “He could have been killed,” she wrote in the Facebook post, adding that she didn’t find out about the incident until five months later. “He was sent to the campus health clinic by a professor and treated. Luckily, he is still alive,” she said.

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Boner Candidate #2: WHAT WERE THE CLUES THAT LED YOU HERE?

A sewage pipe clogged with hundreds of condoms led police to a suspected prostitution ring operating under the guise of a massage parlor in Austin, Texas. Court documents filed Tuesday say that a real estate agent who had recently taken over a shopping plaza that leases space to several businesses told police of the property’s damaged pipes on Feb. 7, the Austin American-Statesman reported. Tenants of the building told the real estate agent that they believed Jade Massage Therapy, another tenant, was selling sexual services, the arrest affidavit said. The discarded condoms were presumably used by clients. When Austin police raided the parlor six weeks later, they found a woman who co-managed the business in a massage room “with a completely nude and uncovered male,” according to court documents obtained by Reuters. A second woman was also found in a separate room with a naked man. Police arrested Juan Wang and her husband, Joseph Emery, on suspicion of managing a prostitution enterprise. Police also uncovered more than $60,000 in cash in Emery and Wang’s home, according to Austin news station KVUE. Austin police Sgt. Kevin Covington of the Human Trafficking and Vice Unit told the Statesman that the condom-clogged pipe was one of several pieces of evidence that helped police in their investigation. “I was like, ‘You’ve got to be kidding me,’” Covington told the Statesman. “It’s not the normal tip you would get or lead you would get on a place committing criminal activity, but it happened, so that helped us out.” Emery and Wang face charges of organized criminal activity and Wang also faces charges of money laundering, according to KVUE.

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Boner Candidate #3: HOLOCAUST CENTERS

The White House press secretary, Sean Spicer, set off an intense backlash on Tuesday when he suggested that President Bashar al-Assad of Syria was guilty of acts worse than Hitler and asserted that Hitler had not used chemical weapons, ignoring the use of gas chambers at concentration camps during the Holocaust. Mr. Spicer later apologized. During his daily briefing for reporters, Mr. Spicer was defending President Trump’s decision to order a missile strike on Syria by trying to lend gravity to the actions of Mr. Assad. American officials accuse the Syrian president of using sarin gas, a lethal chemical weapon, in an attack on a rebel-held area of Idlib Province last week that killed dozens, many of them children. But in misconstruing the facts of the Holocaust — Nazi Germany’s brutally efficient, carefully orchestrated extermination of six million Jews and others — Mr. Spicer instead drew a torrent of criticism and added to the perception that the Trump White House lacks sensitivity and has a tenuous grasp of history. “We didn’t use chemical weapons in World War II,” Mr. Spicer said. “You know, you had someone as despicable as Hitler who didn’t even sink to using chemical weapons.” He continued, “So you have to, if you are Russia, ask yourself: Is this a country and a regime that you want to align yourself with?” The White House charged Tuesday that Russia had sought to cover up the Syrian government’s role in the chemical attack. Asked to clarify his remarks, Mr. Spicer then acknowledged that Hitler had used chemical agents, but maintained that there was a difference. “I think when you come to sarin gas, he was not using the gas on his own people the same way that Assad is doing,” Mr. Spicer said, incorrectly, before mentioning “Holocaust centers,” an apparent reference to Nazi death camps. 160,000 to 180,000 Jews killed by the Nazis were from Germany, according to the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum.

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