Boners

Boner (Round Two) for July 28th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: THIS STUFF IS AS GOOD AS THE BEST BUD YOU CAN BUY

An Aurora man involved in gunfire at a local mall over a bogus marijuana deal, which involved broccoli instead of weed, has been sentenced to prison. Sababu Colbert-Evans, 26, of Aurora was sentenced Friday to 16 years in prison, according to the Arapahoe County district attorney’s office. A jury found Colbert-Evans guilty in May of attempted first-degree murder. On March 16, 2016, a drug dealer named Tercell Davis, who went by the street name 22 Jump Street, accepted $10,000 for a marijuana sale, but Davis substituted broccoli for the pot, according to a DA’s news release. The buyers didn’t realize they’d been ripped off until they drove off. Undeterred, the buyers arranged another meeting under a different name, hoping to get their money back or get legitimate marijuana. Davis again met the buyers, the next night at about 7:30 p.m. in the parking lot outside the food court of the Town Center of Aurora, along with Colbert-Evans. The pair packed some more broccoli.

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Boner Candidate #2: I CAN’T VACUUM THE FLOOR WITH ROCKS AND A CAN OF CHILI

A Texas woman who thought she was purchasing a $300 Dyson vacuum cleaner at Target on Sunday found rocks and a can of chili in the box, according to KTRK. Annie Banerjee opened the box when she got home and found towels, a can of chili and several rocks inside the box. When she returned to the store later that day, the manager said there was nothing they could do. Banerjee told KTRK a store employee called police and told officers a “Hispanic woman” was trespassing. Target issued a statement says the company will be refunding Banerjee’s full purchase price and giving her a free vacuum.

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Boner Candidate #3: WE JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND THEIR TRADITIONS

Village elders in Pakistan ordered the rape of a 17-year-old girl after her brother was accused of raping another girl. Twenty people have been arrested by police following the two assaults, which took place last week in the town of Muzaffarabad, close to Multan in south Pakistan, police said Thursday. The mother of the first victim, who is aged 12, told police her daughter was cutting grass in a field when she was raped by a man. The 12-year-old reported the rape to her mother, who then complained to village elders. After deliberating, the elders declared one of the sisters of the first attacker would be raped in retaliation for the crime, according to the police report. “(The second victim)’s two elder sisters were initially called, but the elders decided that (17-year-old) Victim B would be the one to take the punishment,” the police report said.“Her mothers and sisters all protested this but the elders brought out their guns and threatened to kill them.” Muzaffarabad Station House officer Rashid Faheem told CNN investigations were still underway, with more raids expected. CNN is not naming any of the people charged to avoid potentially identifying sexual assault victims.

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