Round One
Boner Candidate #1: I JUST LOVE SWIMMING.
Police say a “very drunk” woman jumped from a drawbridge at a Maryland beach town, and was arrested. The Daily Times of Salisbury cites charging documents saying the Coast Guard and Maryland National Resources Police searched for hours after a woman was reported to have jumped off the Route 50 bridge Sunday night. Officers were later called to a gravel parking lot, where they found 39-year-old Brooke North stumbling in a swimsuit.
Boner Candidate #2: SOME THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER ATTEMPT TO RE-USE AND RE-CYLCE
The Centres for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has issued a warning to sexually-active Americans to stop washing and reusing condoms – because, unbelievably, “people do it.” In a tweet linking to condom and STD facts and statistics, the health agency wrote: “We say it because people do it: Don’t wash or reuse condoms. “Use a fresh one for each sex act,” the CDC advised. Half of young people don’t use condoms for sex with new partner. In response to the Twitter warning, people were amused that it is not obvious condoms should not be washed after use. When used properly, condoms are highly effective in preventing pregnancy and sexually-transmitted STDs, including human immunodeficiency virus (HIV). However, considering fewer than half of US high schools met the CDC’s requirement for sexual education in 2015, the need for the warning is not surprising.
Boner Candidate #3: YES, THIS WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE.
A creepy Metropolitan Museum of Art staffer was busted for upskirting at least six women — including a teen girl on an Upper East Side subway platform. “It’s become an obsessive behavior in the last couple of years,” Met collections manager Fred Caruso, 62, allegedly told police who arrested him for the pervy conduct. He said he’d secretly filmed at least 50 women, according to court papers. He was caught April 27 after an eagle-eyed cop spotted him filming up the dress of a girl, who he admitted looked like she was between 15 and 17, on the 6 train platform at 86th St. “I clicked it on and was holding it and trying to be nonchalant about it,” he allegedly told police. “My intent was a poor choice of amusement.”
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Round Two
Boner Candidate #1: OH, SO YOU THOUGHT I WAS DRUNK, EH? WELL, GET A LOAD OF THESE.
Around eight police motors raced to the scene on the A706 between Forth and Lanark after the alarm was raised around 9pm on Tuesday night. A WOMAN who looked “dead at the roadside” terrified worried Good Samaritans when she JUMPED UP and ran away – after flashing a lorry driver. Around eight police motors raced to the scene on the A706 between Forth and Lanark after the alarm was raised around 9pm on Tuesday night. The woman was spotted on the A706. Frantic commuters made the 999 call after spotting the “drunk or drugged” woman slumped in a ditch. One eyewitness who stopped to help the woman told the Scottish Sun Online: “We stopped the car because we saw a woman’s body at the side of the road.”
Boner Candidate #2: MAYBE I SHOULD STEP AWAY FROM MY PUBLIC DUTIES
A suburban Chicago state rep resigned on Wednesday after his ex-girlfriend accused him of posting nude photos of her online to initiate sexual conversations with men, according to a report. The resignation came in an unapologetic letter after pressure from Republican leaders, including Gov. Bruce Rauner, who appointed Rep. Nick Sauer to a state board, The Chicago Sun-Times reported. Sauer, 35, who was appointed by Rauner to be an Illinois Tollway Board director, was ironically also a member of the Illinois House Sexual Discrimination and Harassment Task Force. The Republican pol was accused of creating a fake Instagram account and posting nude photos of his ex, then posing as her online to have salacious exchanges with other men, the paper reported.
Boner Candidate #3: YOU PARK RANGERS THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING.
Hikers in two separate groups visiting the popular rock formation known as The Subway in Zion National Park needed rescuing Monday after officials say they were unprepared. One hiker who received a knee injury on the hike spent the night with rescuers before being airlifted by a helicopter. Another group spent the night in the canyon after getting lost. They were found and rescued Monday morning. The Subway is a tubular formation within the Left Fork of North Creek in the park, and because of the popularity of the canyon, there is a lottery system for permits. For hikers starting at the top of the canyon, there is a necessary 30-foot rappel that requires ropes and technical canyoneering gear.
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