Boners

Boner (Rounds One and Two) for June 6th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: PUT ANOTHER LOG ON THE FIRE?

It could be the perfect seat to watch Game of Thrones. A listing for a home in the Upper Annex has some people scratching their heads over photos showing an exposed toilet and shower in the main-floor living room, right beside the fireplace. The charming, semi-detached home — listed at $898,000 at 1231 Bathurst St., near Dupont St. — certainly has an unusual layout, but real estate agents say that likely has a good explanation. “When I see a setup like that, my first thought is that maybe there was an older adult that maybe had trouble navigating up to the second floor … but needed a bathroom,” said Jeffrey Kerr, a broker with RE/MAX who specializes in accessible real estate, who isn’t involved in the home sale. Kerr says the modification may be an instance of “aging in place,” which he calls a new reality. “People want to stay in their homes for as long as possible,” he said. “But in order to do that, a main-floor bathroom is critical.” The team leader for the listing, broker Daniel Freeman, said it’s a very convenient and practical setup. “It was never an issue of privacy, it’s an issue with accessibility,” Freeman said. “If you can imagine that the purpose of that bathroom was for one person. That was their bedroom and bathroom and no one had access to it … It’s all very logical.”

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Boner Candidate #2: I WAS TRYIN’ TO SLEEP IT OFF.

A woman who was believed to be intoxicated narrowly escaped death early Saturday morning after she was caught on video sleeping on a Texas road as a vehicle swerved to avoid running over her. The woman, identified as Jeanette Murillo, was spotted “napping” on FM 1093 in Fulshear, west of Houston, after Sgt. Charlie Scott happened to drive down the road that morning. Police said she apparently ended up on the road after she got her car stuck in a ditch about 200 yards from where she “bedded down,” officials wrote in a Facebook post Tuesday. Dashcam video showed Murillo, wearing a blue shirt and black pants, lying about halfway on the right side of the road. “Thankfully, Sergeant Scott happened to be on patrol at the right time and in the right place,” police wrote in the post. “In the video you see the car in front of Sergeant Scott’s police car swerve to avoid an object in the road.” The officer soon realized the “object” was a person, slammed on the brakes and got out to help Murillo. Video showed Sgt. Scott speaking to the woman, who eventually woke up and moved off the road.

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Boner Candidate #3: YOU GET ONE FREE PASS TO ACT LIKE A RACIST

A white man in Florida allegedly called his black neighbor a racial slur and set his car ablaze — but police say he won’t be charged with a hate crime. Joseph Minor, 56, was arrested after the incident outside his apartment complex Sunday in South Daytona, The Daytona Beach News-Journal reported. Authorities said Minor had approached his neighbor Ronald Sweet while he was washing his car. Minor told Sweet that the vehicle was flashy and threatened him, saying his “days are numbered,” according to police. “I hate you, n—-r,” Minor said to Sweet, according to RawStory. Following the confrontation, Sweet went inside his apartment. He then heard a loud “boom” outdoors, the News-Journal reported. He reportedly looked outside to see his car on fire and Minor walking away from the scene. Police responded to the apartment complex and found Minor was carrying a disposable lighter. Investigators said it appeared he used an accelerant to burn the car. Minor was charged with arson causing damage to a structure and criminal mischief with damage to property of $1,000 or more. South Daytona Police Capt. Mark Cheatham, however, said the incident was a “mental lapse in judgment,” adding police did not find sufficient evidence to consider the case a hate crime.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: I WAS JUST INVESTING GRANDPA’S MONEY.

A grandson swindled his own 92-year-old grandfather out of his $4,000 life savings to pay for his girlfriend’s boob job, a court heard. Luke Quatrini, 34, used Clifford Bartlett’s bank card without his knowledge after moving into his home, a jury was told. The court heard that $4,000 went missing from the retired dock worker’s life-savings – leaving him penniless and unable to pay his household bills. Quatrini is accused of using nearly $700 of the haul as a deposit for girlfriend Emma Hodges’ breast enhancement surgery. Aspiring model Hodges, 29, later posed for a series of underwear shots wearing just a lacy bra and underwear. Quatrini is also accused of using the card to pay for airline tickets and for online shopping on Amazon. Prosecutor Emma Harries told the court the crimes took place over 10 months after Quatrini moved in to his grandfather’s house in Newport, South Wales, in 2012 following a fire at his own home. Harries said: “He had not given anyone permission to use his card.” Newport Crown Court heard former dock worker Clifford – who died last year – broke down in tears when he discovered his own family was allegedly stealing from him. He told police: “I have had all my life savings and pension stolen from me.”

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Boner Candidate #2: THE PHILADELPHIA EAGLES DON’T PROTEST, THEY PRAY.

In a segment about President Donald Trump canceling the Super Bowl champion Philadelphia Eagles’ White House visit on Monday, the network aired images of the Eagles supposedly kneeling in protest during the national anthem, a practice that the president has condemned and cited initially for disinviting the team. The only problem was that the Eagles were praying in the pictures, and they weren’t taken during “The Star-Spangled Banner.” Eagles tight end Zach Ertz called out the news outlet for the blunder, writing on Twitter: “This can’t be serious .. Praying before games with my teammates, well before the anthem, is being used for your propaganda? Just sad.” The images also included players raising their fists during the anthem, but no Eagles player took a knee during the 2017 season, The Hill noted. Fox News released a statement on Tuesday apologizing for the photo blunder. “During our report about President Trump canceling the Philadelphia Eagles trip to the White House to celebrate their Super Bowl win, we showed unrelated footage of players kneeling in prayer,” Christopher Wallace, executive producer of “Fox News @ Night with Shannon Bream” said in a statement.

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Boner Candidate #3: MAN, THIS GAME IS SO REALISTIC!

An Oregon man on drugs stole a car in front of deputies and thought he was in a real-life version of the video game “Grand Theft Auto” when he led authorities on a 40-mile chase Saturday, police said. Anthony Clark, 23, of Grant Pass, told police he had taken LSD when he got into a Toyota Camry that two Jackson County deputies were waiting to tow after an unrelated DUI stop, the sheriff’s office said. The sheriff’s office said Clark sped through multiple towns, crashed through a fence, ran over spike strips twice and drove down several roads the wrong way, according to The Oregonian. Clark was arrested after ramming into another police cruiser, fleeing into a mobile home park and trying to steal another vehicle, police said. The sheriff’s office said no one was hurt during the chase, according to the newspaper. Clark admitted to taking drugs and hallucinating while he was being interviewed by officers, the sheriff’s office said. The Oregonian, citing a probable cause affidavit, reported Clark got into the Toyota after getting out of the passenger side of a truck nearby and told a deputy that he was going to steal the car.

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