Boners

Boner (Rounds One and Two) for May 11th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: FREE WHITENING!

These dentists left no one smiling over this ad. Three white dentists in North Carolina apologized for a cringe-worthy magazine ad offering a “free whitening system” while they wore culturally appropriated costumes. “Everyone smiles in the same language,” an ad for Renaissance Dental Center in Midtown Magazine’s May issue reads, featuring a trio of female dentists in a Japanese kimono, Native American garb and a Celtic costume. “No matter your accent or origin, everyone can appreciate a beautiful smile!” The Raleigh-based dental center apologized early Thursday for the advertisement, saying it tried to focus on something that everyone could relate to – “the warmth and joy of a smile” – but admitted it missed the mark. “We now realize it was ignorant and offensive, and we are truly sorry,” the company tweeted. “We have learned a valuable lesson in this situation. Again, our sincere apologies.”

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Boner Candidate #2: I KNOW IT’S CRAZY BUT I LOVE HIM.

PARADISE VALLEY, Ariz. – A woman is accused of breaking into an Arizona home, bathing in the homeowner’s bathtub, and sending tens of thousands of disturbing text messages to the man’s phone after the pair went on one date, according to KNXV. In July 2017, 31-year-old Jacqueline Ades was found parked outside of the victim’s Paradise Valley home, police said. The man also accused her of repeatedly texting him, despite him saying he no longer wanted to talk to her. Officers found Ades still outside the victim’s home when they arrived and told her to leave, officials said. Shortly after, the man started to receive threatening text messages from the suspect. Police received a similar report in December from the same residence, but officers were unable to locate her. On April 8, the victim called a detective a third time, saying he was out of the country, but saw Ades in his home while checking his home surveillance video.

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Boner Candidate #3: AH, HE’S DYING ANYWAY.

White House aide Kelly Sadler responded to Sen. John McCain’s opposition to President Donald Trump’s pick for CIA director by saying Thursday morning that “he’s dying anyway,” a White House official told CNN. The official said Sadler, who is in charge of surrogate communications, meant it as a joke, “but it fell flat.” McCain announced last year that he had been diagnosed with brain cancer, and he issued a statement Wednesday calling on his fellow senators to oppose Gina Haspel, Trump’s nominee for CIA director, whose ties to the use of interrogation methods widely considered torture have drawn significant criticism. Asked about Sadler’s comment, a White House official said, “We respect Senator McCain’s service to our nation, and he and his family are in our prayers during this difficult time.”Sadler called the senator’s daughter Meghan McCain on Thursday to apologize for the remark, a source close to the situation told CNN, although it’s unclear what her response was. The Hill first reported on Sadler’s remark.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: WHAT’CHA GOT IN THE RUBBERMAID?

This is totes crazy. A Florida man tried to help his legless girlfriend evade police capture by hiding her in a plastic tote — only to be foiled because a cop saw the whole thing. Krystle Lee Anderson, 39 — who lost her legs to injuries from a 2015 gun battle with cops — was on the run after skipping out on a court date in Orange County, where she was standing trial for armed kidnapping and aggravated assault with a deadly weapon on a law enforcement officer stemming from the 2015 incident, according to local newspaper The Ledger. When Polk County Sheriff’s Office deputies and US Marshals came knocking at her boyfriend John Robert Carr Jr.’s Winter Haven home Tuesday, the 48-year-old man claimed Anderson wasn’t there. Catch is, one of the officers spied him through a bedroom window cramming the 4-foot-tall woman in a plastic bin moments earlier.

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Boner Candidate #2: TORTURE WORKS, ASK SONGBIRD JOHN.

A guest on Fox Business Network touted torture as an effective way to extract information from prisoners, claiming it “worked” on Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.). “The fact is … it worked on John [McCain],” Retired Air Force Lt. Gen. Tom McInerney told FBN’s Charles Payne on Tuesday. “That’s why they call him ‘Songbird John.’” “The fact is those methods can work and they’re effective as former Vice President [Dick] Cheney said,” McInerney continued. “And if we have to use ’em to save a million American lives, we will do whatever we have to.” Payne apologized hours later for not confronting McInerney about his comments on McCain during the interview. “I regret I did not catch this remark, as it should have been challenged,” Payne tweeted. “As a proud military veteran and son of a Vietnam Vet, these words neither reflect my or the network’s feelings about Senator McCain.”

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Boner Candidate #3: WRASSLING WITH THE DOG WHILE WEARING YOUR GUN…WHAT COULD GO WRONG?

A Ft. Dodge man remained hospitalized Thursday after reportedly being shot by his dog. The bizarre incident occurred Wednesday. Richard Remme, 51, told 911 dispatchers that he had been playing with his dog, a Labrador-pit bull mix named Balew, when the dog accidentally hit his gun. The gun fired, injuring Remme. “Unfortunately, in this case, you can’t foresee things that can happen, and this was just one of those freak accidents,” Ft. Dodge police Chief Roger Porter said. “Wrestling around with your dog, you wouldn’t think it could happen, but it did and it was unfortunate.” Remme said Balew is a “big wuss” and instantly started whining after the gun fired, as though he knew something went wrong. “It could have been a lot worse than it was, so we’re thankful (Remme is) OK,” Porter said.

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