Boners

Boners for January 26th, 2018

Round One

 

Boner Candidate #1: GUNNING FOR THE BUDDAH

A Sugar House resident has plans to replace a 300-pound Buddha statue after it was vandalized this week. Benjamin Dieterle noticed on Wednesday that someone had thrown a large rock at the terracotta Buddha statue in his front yard. The statue’s nose had been broken off, leaving a large hole in the middle of its face. The vandalism came just six weeks after the statue was dedicated by a local zen master, Dieterle said. “I expected eventually it would get tagged with spray paint, but I didn’t expect that someone would take such a violent attack to it,” Dieterle said. “Particularly in Sugar House, where it’s a very diverse neighborhood, and neighbors and walkers-by and so forth have all really enjoyed having another piece of beautiful art out there to enjoy.” Dieterle has hired local sculptor Eric Wilson. He will either repair the current statue or take a mold of the entire statue and create a new Buddha head out of bronze or fiberglass, Dieterle said.

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Boner Candidate #2: VOYUERISM AT SACRED HEART AND THE ADRENALINE ZONE

A religion teacher was busted for secretly recording the bathrooms of a church and amusement center after he apparently recorded himself installing a hidden camera — which was found when it fell through a ceiling, authorities said. Jeffrey Eisenbath, 28, of Lincoln County, Missouri, is facing three felony charges of invasion of property, invasion of privacy and possession of child pornography after a camera installed in the bathroom at Adrenaline Zone in St. Charles suddenly fell to the floor, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports. Employees at the laser tag complex then inspected the camera and found a video stored in the device that showed Eisenbath installing it in the bathroom, according to Lt. Andy Binder, a spokesman for the Lincoln County Sheriff’s Office. Investigators later found thousands of videos during the execution of a search warrant at Eisenbath’s home, including covert recordings purportedly taken in bathrooms and others he downloaded from the internet, Binder said.

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Boner Candidate #3: I WANT TO COME HOME TO A HOME COOKED DINNER

Republican U.S. Senate candidate for Missouri Courtland Sykes blasted “women’s rights” this week. In a statement posted to Facebook on Tuesday, Sykes said that he had been asked if he “supports women’s rights.” “I want to come home to a home cooked dinner every night at six,” Sykes said, referring to demands he makes of his girlfriend. “One that she fixes and one that I expect one day to have daughters learn to fix after they become traditional homemakers and family wives.” According to Sykes, feminists push an agenda that they “made up to suit their own nasty snake-filled heads.”

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: DO NOT ATTEMPT A TRAIN SELFIE.

A self-filmed video of a man who was hit by a Multi-Modal Transport System (MMTS) train in Hyderabad, India, has been viewed thousands of times online. Gym trainer T Siva ignored warnings from a person nearby and the train driver while filming near Borabanda railway station on 21 January. Mr Siva survived but has suffered head injuries, according to South Central Railways Police. The 21-second-long video was shared thousands of times on Facebook on Wednesday. In it, Mr Siva is seen standing in the foreground as an MMTS train approaches. There is an audible warning from a person nearby and a repeated horn blaring from the train. Mr Siva does not move and continues filming, saying “one minute”. The train strikes him on the right side of his head and body and the phone falls to the ground. He has appeared in court and been fined 500 rupees ($7.87, £5.50).

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Boner Candidate #2: HEY, I LIKE NUTELLA AS MUCH AS THE NEXT GUY; BUT REALLY?

Aficionados of the chocolate hazelnut spread were at each other’s throats Thursday as word spread about a deep discount being offered by the company at supermarkets across France. “They are like animals. A woman had her hair pulled, an elderly lady took a box on her head, another had a bloody hand. It was horrible,” a customer at the Rive-de-Gier supermarket in central France told Le Progres newspaper. Thrown into a tizzy by a 70 percent discount, crowds were seen on video posted on social media as they swarmed toward pallets of Nutella and grabbed as many jars as they could, The Local reported. In some stores, including in Ostricourt in northern France, cops were called as fights broke out between customers in scenes that echoed Black Friday madness in the US. Similar altercations erupted in Roubaix in the Nord department store, as well as Wingles and Marles-les-Mines in Pas-de-Calais.

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Boner Candidate #3: I DIDN’T SEE THAT IN THE JOB DESCRIPTION MR. WEINSTEIN.

Harvey Weinstein made his assistant clean semen off the couch after his sexual encounters, according to a new lawsuit filed in Manhattan federal court. Sandeep Rehal, who worked at The Weinstein Company for two years between 2013 and 2015, claims she felt demeaned and terrified while working for the disgraced film mogul. Weinstein even made the then-26-year-old type emails he dictated while naked, according to the suit. “As Ms. Rehal soon learned, Harvey Weinstein’s assistants were expected to be available at all times; there was no boundary between Harvey Weinstein’s work life and personal life,“ the lawsuit claims. “Much of Ms. Rehal’s work as an employee of TWC involved catering to Harvey Weinstein’s sexual appetites and activities, and catering to his demeaning and often abusive family members.” Rehal’s duties included preparing for and cleaning after Weinstein’s “extremely prolific sexual encounters.” She claims that didn’t spare her from experiencing unwanted sexual advances as well. Weinstein touched her thigh when she wore skirts to work, according to Rehal’s lawsuit, and began rubbing her between her thighs when she switched to wearing pants. When Rehal began sitting cross-legged to prevent his advances, she said Weinstein touched the back of her legs and butt.

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