Boners

Boner Fight for January 26th, 2018

Boner Candidate #1: I WANT TO COME HOME TO A HOME COOKED DINNER

Republican U.S. Senate candidate for Missouri Courtland Sykes blasted “women’s rights” this week. In a statement posted to Facebook on Tuesday, Sykes said that he had been asked if he “supports women’s rights.” “I want to come home to a home cooked dinner every night at six,” Sykes said, referring to demands he makes of his girlfriend. “One that she fixes and one that I expect one day to have daughters learn to fix after they become traditional homemakers and family wives.” According to Sykes, feminists push an agenda that they “made up to suit their own nasty snake-filled heads.”

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Boner Candidate #2: I DIDN’T SEE THAT IN THE JOB DESCRIPTION MR. WEINSTEIN.

Harvey Weinstein made his assistant clean semen off the couch after his sexual encounters, according to a new lawsuit filed in Manhattan federal court. Sandeep Rehal, who worked at The Weinstein Company for two years between 2013 and 2015, claims she felt demeaned and terrified while working for the disgraced film mogul. Weinstein even made the then-26-year-old type emails he dictated while naked, according to the suit. “As Ms. Rehal soon learned, Harvey Weinstein’s assistants were expected to be available at all times; there was no boundary between Harvey Weinstein’s work life and personal life,“ the lawsuit claims. “Much of Ms. Rehal’s work as an employee of TWC involved catering to Harvey Weinstein’s sexual appetites and activities, and catering to his demeaning and often abusive family members.” Rehal’s duties included preparing for and cleaning after Weinstein’s “extremely prolific sexual encounters.” She claims that didn’t spare her from experiencing unwanted sexual advances as well. Weinstein touched her thigh when she wore skirts to work, according to Rehal’s lawsuit, and began rubbing her between her thighs when she switched to wearing pants. When Rehal began sitting cross-legged to prevent his advances, she said Weinstein touched the back of her legs and butt.

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