Boners

Boners (Round One and Two) for February 5th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: YEP. AN EAGLES FAN.

Kevin Hart started Philadelphians’ embarrassing celebrations early. The comedian and diehard Eagles fan bombarded the on-field NFL Network set after the Eagles’ 41-33 win over the Patriots in Super Bowl LII Sunday night, interrupting an interview with Eagles defensive lineman Fletcher Cox and accidentally dropping an F-bomb on air. “Philadelphia’s a great city,” Hart said into the microphone. “I thought, I hope this is an example of what we can do. We gave a f–k … ooh. “I’m out,” he added with a laugh, dropping the microphone and stumbling away.

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Boner Candidate #2: I’M JUST SHOWING YOU WHAT THE GOV. IS ALL ABOUT.

A Republican lawmaker trying to unseat Illinois Gov. Bruce Rauner is standing by a campaign ad that’s being blasted as racist, homophobic and “repulsive.” State Rep. Jeanne Ives, a social and fiscal conservative, says the ad that began airing this weekend illustrates the GOP governor’s “chosen constituents based on the policy choices he made.” The ad features actors portraying people including a transgender woman and a Chicago Teachers Union member, all thanking Rauner.

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Boner Candidate #3: GOOD GRADES IN EXCHANGE FOR GOOD PICTURES

A sicko New Jersey teacher asked his students for naked pictures in exchange for better grades in his class, according to a report. Passaic High School Spanish teacher Jose Maria was arrested Jan. 24 for inappropriate conversations he had with two male students between 2010 and 2012, the Passaic County Prosecutor’s Office said. One of the boys, identified in court documents as Ro. C., told authorities Maria would buy him and another teen Chinese food and alcohol, NorthJersey.com reported. He said the teacher asked him for a picture of his penis in exchange for a better grade. “Ro. C. said he found a picture on the internet of a black penis and sent it to Mr. Maria,” an affidavit reported by the outlet said.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: I JUST GAVE THE STUDENT A BIT OF PATRIOTIC ENCOURAGEMENT.

A “strict” Colorado gym teacher is accused of assaulting a student — because the kid refused to stand for the Pledge of Allegiance. Middle school teacher Karen Smith has been placed on paid administrative leave after the alleged incident at Angevine Middle School, school district officials said. Local police confirmed to CBS in Denver that cops are investigating reports that Smith assaulted an unidentified student for refusing to stand for the Pledge. No charges have been filed and details of the alleged incident had not been revealed by Saturday. “I am reaching out to you tonight to let you know that we will have a substitute teacher working with some of our PE classes for the time being,” Principal Mike Medina said in a letter sent home to parents on Thursday night.

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Boner Candidate #2: SOMETIMES A SUSPECT NEEDS A LITTLE URINAL ENCOURAGEMENT.

The FBI is investigating four Honolulu police officers who are accused of forcing a man to place his mouth on a urinal inside a public restroom, according to the police department’s top official. Honolulu Police Chief Susan Ballard said another officer reported the suspected misconduct after the officers responded to a complaint Sunday afternoon of a person trespassing in the restroom. “If true, these allegations violate the core values the HPD stands for,” Ballard said. “Our officers are sworn to uphold the right of all persons, and I expect every officer to treat every member of the public fairly and with respect. Personally, I am appalled at the behavior, if it is true, and appropriate action will be taken.” The department conducted an initial internal investigation and then contacted the FBI on Wednesday. Because the case involves potential abuse of police power, Ballard said the case was referred to the federal agency.

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Boner Candidate #3: OH, THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE BE DAMNED.

What do you call a tax increase initiative without a tax increase? If you’re Rep. Mike Schultz, R-Hooper, you call it HB299. Schultz is sponsoring a bill that would, in effect, cancel out the Our Schools Now initiative’s effort to boost annual education funding by $715 million through a combination of sales and income tax hikes. If Our Schools Now makes it to the ballot, and if the initiative is approved by voters, HB299 would then cut Utah’s tax rates back to their current levels. “I think the public would like this,” Schultz said, “because who likes the largest tax increase in their state’s history?” Schultz said he’s working with the organizers of Our Schools Now and hopes to reach a compromise that would allow them to abandon their initiative. The two parties, he said, are “not in the same place yet.”

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