Boner of the Day

Boners (Round One and Two) for March 13th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: GET ME TO THE CHURCH ON TIME

A woman was arrested for driving under the influence — on the way to her wedding.  Marana Police arrested the bride-to-be Monday morning outside of Tuscon, Arizona, after a three-car collision. One person was injured.  Sgt. Chriswell Scott tweeted a photo of the woman about to get in the police car and wrote, “Don’t drive impaired, till death do we part doesn’t need any help.” Scott said the bride-to-be was released later Monday.

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Boner Candidate #2: IF IT’S TIME TO ACT…THEN ACT, DAMMIT!

A group of Utah lawmakers, educators, law enforcement officials and community advocates gathered just a week ago in the opulent Gold Room of the Utah State Capitol to announce a bold, collaborative effort to combat gun violence and enhance student safety. “We think it’s time to act,” Utah House Speaker Greg Hughes, R-Draper, said at the time. “And we think it’s time to act right now.” But within hours of the announcement of a newly created Utah School Safety Commission, the promise of swift action began to diminish. Senate President Wayne Niederhauser, R-Sandy, said at a news conference that lawmakers should stand down on the issue and instead let school administrators to take the lead. And a bill to allow the seizure of guns in certain, court-ordered situations landed with a thud during its initial committee hearing, ending debate on gun-related legislation this year.

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Boner Candidate #3: THIS IS THE LAST RACIST BONER CANDIDATE EVER.

Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: BEST PART OF SCIENCE CLASS? FEEDING THE TURTLE.

A junior high school teacher is under investigation after he fed a puppy to a snapping turtle in front of students, according to a law enforcement source familiar with the situation. Robert Crosland has taught science at Preston Junior High School for years. In a news release, Preston School District 201 Superintendent Marc Gee says his administration became aware of “a regrettable circumstance involving some of the biological specimens” on March 7. “The event occurred well after students had been dismissed and was not a part of any school-directed program,” Gee said in a news release. “We emphasize that at no time was the safety of students or staff compromised.”

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Boner Candidate #2: STUPID? VERY.

Charges could be brought against three Lawton High School students after police say they took turns shooting at each other while wearing a bulletproof vest. The Van Buren County Sheriff Office is investigating and Newschannel 3’s Rachel Glaser was told by investigators that they have video of the shooting. Veteran investigators said it is the stupidest thing they’ve ever seen and the teens who got shot wearing an old bulletproof vest are incredibly lucky. Todd Docekal said, “My son’s friend put it on, he wanted my son to shoot him.” Docekal’s 16-year-old son took aim at his friend’s chest and pulled the trigger – bullseye.

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Boner Candidate #3: YEAH, MAINE VOTERS….THIS GUY SHOULD REPRESENT YOU.

A Republican Maine House candidate has used Twitter to attack two students who survived a shooting at a Florida high school, calling one of them a “skinhead lesbian” and the other a “bald-faced liar.” Leslie Gibson is the only declared candidate for the 57th District and told the Sun Journal it was “not appropriate to single out the Parkland students.” But he says he stands firm in his defense of “our constitutional rights.” He says he served in the military and took an oath “to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States.” A Democratic organizer in Greene says, “That sort of stupidity really turns people off.” Organizer Pat Fogg says she wishes she knew someone who could jump into the race.

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