Boners

Boners (Round One and Two) for October 8th, 2018

ROUND ONE:

BONER CANDIDATE #1: COULDN’T THEY JUST DO THE SCHOOL FIGHT SONG?

A Mississippi high school band is under fire for an off-key halftime show depicting police being held at gunpoint — performed in a city where less than a week ago two cops were killed on the job. Photos circulating online Saturday show students from Forest Hill High School clad in medical scrubs and pointing assault rifles at bandmates wearing SWAT vests and lying on the field with their hands up. The Friday skit — supposedly a take on a scene from the Denzel Washington movie “John Q” — performed at Brookhaven High School came as the city reels in the wake of the deaths of Patrolman James White, 35, and Cpl. Zach Moak, 31, killed on Sept. 29 when they responded to a call of shots fired at a home, USA Today reported. Their funerals were held Wednesday and Thursday. “This is unacceptable in a civilized society. Someone should be held accountable,” Gov. Phil Bryant raged on Twitter.

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BONER CANDIDATE #2: THE HICKEY KING

America’s reigning Hickey King™ was sentenced this week for his latest run-in with the law, court records show. Kentuckian Micah Musser, 19, was placed into a five-year diversion program and ordered to enter a rehab treatment facility once a bed becomes available. Musser pleaded guilty last month to burglary and criminal mischief charges filed after his arrest in late-March. He has been locked up in the Montgomery County jail since his collar. Musser first appeared in these pages last year when he was arrested by Louisville cops who discovered him and several teenage runaways inside an abandoned building. Police reported that the floor of the boarded-up property was strewn with “empty alcoholic beverage containers.”

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BONER CANDIDATE #3: POLITICAL SPEECH IS NOT ENTIRELY FREE IN TEXAS.

Police in Texas removed an anti-Republican political sign from a woman’s yard Tuesday night last week, amid nationwide rancor over the Senate’s vote on Brett Kavanaugh’s confirmation to the Supreme Court. The poster, made by Marion Stanford of Hamilton, Texas, and placed in her yard, shows an elephant painted in red, white, and blue with stars, a well-known symbol of the Republican Party. The elephant is sticking its trunk up the skirt of a young blonde girl with pigtails crying for help. Beside the image is the slogan “Your vote matters.” Stanford told the Washington Post that she painted the sign in response to the testimony of Kavanaugh and Christine Blasey Ford, who has accused the judge of attempting to rape her when the two were in high school, reported. Kavanaugh was sworn in as the newest Supreme Court justice Saturday afternoon after a tight vote that drew major protests in Washington, DC, and other cities around the country.

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ROUND TWO:

BONER CANDIDATE #1: WE DON’T GO TO CHURCH THAT OFTEN IN HOUGHTON CONQUEST

“Audacious” thieves have stolen an entire lead roof from a Grade I-listed church. About 20 tonnes of lead was taken from All Saint’s Church, Houghton Conquest, Bedfordshire, over “a prolonged period of time”, police said. The theft was discovered on Tuesday and police believe the thieves posed as tradesmen to gain access to the roof. The church said the insurance would not cover all the repair costs – expected to reach tens of thousands of pounds. Treasurer Joyce Bullock said: “I don’t know how we are going to pay for it,” adding: “I just pray every day that nothing else happens.” The theft was uncovered on Tuesday when daylight could be seen through the ceiling and rubble was found on the ground. Sarah Hannant, a member of the congregation, said: “This is devastating; it has caused a lot of stress. We don’t have enough volunteers as it is, it just takes the wind out of your sails.”

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BONER CANDIDATE #2: HIS BRINGING ME THE COFFEE WAS NOT AN ORDINARY EVENT

A Virginia man who allegedly attempted to kill his mother-in-law by putting methamphetamine in her coffee has been sentenced to prison. After reaching a plea deal, Jack David Price, 56, of Pamplin was sentenced to six years in prison earlier this week. Price is accused of putting meth in his 95-year-old mother-in-law’s coffee in December 2017, The News & Advance reported. Prosecutors say Ester Price was admitted to a hospital last year showing signs of meth in her system. At the time, Ester Price’s granddaughter, who has not been identified, told authorities she suspected Jack Price was trying to kill her grandmother. Ester Price also told authorities that the day before she became ill, Jack Price brought her coffee — a gesture she said was “not an ordinary event,” The News & Advance reported.

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BONER CANDIDATE #3: YAY! NOT GONNA DIE! PERHAPS YOU SPOKE TOO SOON.

“Yay… not going to die any time soon!!!” Richard Cota of Bonanza appears to have written those words on his Facebook page moments before fatally colliding head-on into another driver on a rural Oregon highway early Thursday evening. Cota’s wife, Amanda, was also in the car at the time of the crash. Now both Amanda Cota and Klamath Falls resident Frederick French are being treated for injuries at two different Southern Oregon hospitals, and Richard Cota is dead. According to OSP crash investigators, the Cotas were traveling east toward Klamath Falls and their hometown of Bonanza in a Dodge Neon. Richard, the driver, was reportedly passing other eastbound vehicles at a high rate of speed while in the westbound lane — and while in a no-passing zone. As they approached each other, both Richard and French attempted to swerve onto the shoulder and out of the way. However, they both swerved in the same direction and ultimately met head on. Richard died at the scene, investigators said.

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