Boners

Boners (Round One) for March 7th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: NOT A HIT AND RUN, MORE OF A RUN AND HIT.

A northern Virginia man is facing charges including driving while intoxicated and possessing marijuana after a police pursuit in which he ended up running over himself. Fairfax County Police released dashboard video of Tuesday’s incident in which 30-year-old Isaac Bonsu is seen getting out of his car on a residential street in the Alexandria section, a Washington suburb. But Bonsu apparently forgot to put the car in park. The video shows him running in front of the car and being struck. Bonsu gets up and continues running. Police say they caught him, unharmed, after a brief foot chase.

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Boner Candidate #2: IF YOU BREAK UP WITH ME I’LL SLUG YOU IN THE STOMACH

A college student in Connecticut landed in jail after she apparently didn’t take a breakup well, police said. Kathryn A. Mahoney, a Fairfield University student, was arrested Thursday for allegedly punching her boyfriend in the face when he suggested they stop dating, The Fairfield Citizen reported. Police said Mahoney, 19, responded to being dumped by striking him in the stomach and nose, leaving him bleeding. He told authorities that tried to stop her by grabbing her shoulders, but eventually ran to a friend’s dorm for help.

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Boner Candidate #3: MA’AM, THIS WAS RACIST 40 YEARS AGO TOO.

A mural depicting a lynching at South Cumberland Elementary School Facebook A Tennessee elementary school has modified a mural depicting a lynching and removed another of a Confederate flag after it received complaints over the “racist” works, according to reports. South Cumberland Elementary School in Nashville made the changes at the school over the weekend. “When the school was named almost 40 years ago, you didn’t have this conversation about the Confederate flag…We realize times have changed,” schools chief Janet Graham told the Crossville Chronicle.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: A SAMURAI SWORD SEEMS LIKE A GOOD RESPONSE

A Washington woman allegedly took a swipe at her boyfriend after she found the Tinder dating app on his phone. Emily Javier, 30, reportedly slashed her boyfriend with a samurai sword early Saturday in a violent act of vengeance when she suspected he was unfaithful, according to The Oregonian. Police said the bloody assault at their Camas home left 29-year-old Alex Lovell fighting for his life. “The only motive our detectives can come up with is it’s jealousy based,” Camas police officer Debrah Riedle told news station KOIN. “The victim is not confirming that but everything the suspect told us leads up to believe her motive was jealousy.”

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Boner Candidate #2: I’M JUST AN AMATEUR WHITE SUPREMACIST…IT’S A HOBBY.

The Florida middle school teacher accused of spreading racist views in the classroom claims the white nationalist podcast she secretly ran was a “hobby” and her comments were “political satire and exaggeration.” Crystal River Middle School social studies teacher Dayanna Volitich doesn’t deny she operated the podcast “Unapologetic” under the pseudonym Tiana Dalichov, in a statement released Sunday by her attorney to NBC News. She maintains she simply “employed political satire and exaggeration, mainly to the end of attracting listeners and followers and generating conversation about the content discussed between myself and my guest.” In a Feb. 26 episode, Volitich, 25, had argued that “science” has proven some races are more intelligent than others. She also bragged about spouting her racist beliefs at the school and hiding her repugnant views from other teachers, administrators and parents. When one of her guests suggested that white supremacists should hide their views to infiltrate public schools and become teachers, Volitich replied: “Right, I’m absolutely one of them.”

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Boner Candidate #3: SOUNDS LIKE SHE HASN’T EARNED ENOUGH FOR A COLLEGE EDUCATION YET.

A woman who posed nude at a suburban strip mall in Pennsylvania last year and the man who photographed her have pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct. Court documents show 22-year-old Chelsea Guerra and 64-year-old Michael Warnock entered pleas Monday and were ordered to pay a $300 fine. Police say Guerra wore nothing but thigh-high stockings and high-heel shoes while posing in front of businesses at Miracle Mile shopping Center in Pittsburgh in April 2017.

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