Boner of the Day

Boners (Rounds One and Two) for February 13th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: THERE’S A “P” AND A “CHANG”. IT’S AN HONEST MISTAKE.

Pyeongchang is a mountainous county 110 miles southeast of Seoul in South Korea, and the host of the 2018 Winter Olympics. P.F. Chang’s is an Asian-inspired chain restaurant with 210 U.S. locations, including ones in Chicago, Lombard, Northbrook, Orland Park and Schaumburg. PyeongChang and P.F. Chang’s are not the same thing, and beyond the fact that they both begin with the letter P and end in “Chang,” they have little in common. This distinction, however, appears to have eluded WLS-Ch.7’s news team, which on Saturday morning accidentally broadcast a report about the political backdrop to the Winter Olympics, illustrated with the graphic, “P.F. Chang 2018.” Jayme Nicholas, a spokesperson for the ABC affiliate in Chicago, told Inc. that the goof was the result of a mix-up. The graphic was created for a different “satirical piece” put together on Friday by sports anchor Mark Giangreco in which viewers were encouraged to invent their own Olympic sports, but it was mistakenly also used for the serious news story read on Saturday by weekend anchor Mark Rivera, Nicholas said.

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Boner Candidate #2: WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE THAT WANT TO SEE THIS?

A nursing assistant at an assisted living center was charged Monday with making an inappropriate video of a resident and sharing it on social media. Cooper Paul Kelly, 19, of Farmington, is charged in 2nd District Court with voyeurism by electronic equipment, a third-degree felony. On July 11, Kelly, while working as a certified nurse assistant at BeeHive Homes of Syracuse, “used his cellphone to video record a vulnerable adult” while that adult was going to the bathroom, the charges state. He then “distributed the video he had obtained to his friends through the use of Snapchat,” the charges state. BeeHive Homes released a prepared statement Monday saying Kelly was fired in July when the allegations were first brought to their attention. “At BeeHive Homes, we have a zero tolerance policy for abuse and neglect. We have cooperated fully with this investigation. And once we were notified by authorities the employee was immediately terminated,” according to the statement.

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Boner Candidate #3: ALL THEY LEFT WAS THE HEAD AND SOME REMAINS.

A suspected poacher was fatally mauled and eaten by a pack of lions near a national park in South Africa, leaving behind just the man’s “head and some remains,” police said. A police spokesman in Limpopo told AFP that a loaded hunting rifle was found near the man’s body early Saturday at a private game park in Hoedspruit, west of Kruger National Park, which contains large numbers of the Big 5 game species — lion, leopard, rhinoceros, elephant and buffalo. “It seems the victim was poaching in the game park when he was attacked and killed by lions,” Limpopo police spokesman Moatshe Ngoepe told AFP. “They ate his body, nearly all of it, and just left his head and some remains.” Investigators are now working to determine the man’s identity. Several lions were found poisoned near a farm in the same northern South African province last year with their heads and paws sawed off, AFP reports. A total of three-quarters of all African lion populations worldwide are declining, with only about 20,000 currently left in the wild. Those numbers have fallen by more than 40 percent within the past three generations, according to World Wide Fund for Nature statistics.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: I BET YOU HAVE SOME GOOD PICTURES ON YOUR PHONE.

A former high school principal in Kentucky was reportedly confiscating students’ phones in an attempt to steal their nude photos and then submit them to a Russian-based porn trading site. The principal, Stephen Kyle Goodlett, was just sentenced to nine years in federal prison after a judge found him guilty of possessing and distributing child porn. Goodlett still faces 60 state-level charges of child porn. His sentencing on Thursday came after a former high school student discovered that nude photos of her from when she was 15 years old were on a porn site, according to The Seattle Times. She had taken them for her boyfriend. After the former student reported the nonconsensual distribution of her explicit photos to the authorities, they were able to trace the photos back to Goodlett’s account. Authorities say they found 436 images and 11 videos of child pornography on Goodlett’s devices, according to Time, and the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children found a photo of a naked girl between the ages of 10 and 14 in his Dropbox account. Goodlett would reportedly save the images he obtained through the confiscated phones on a thumb drive to later look at and upload online. “Parents must be able to place their trust in educators to provide a safe learning environment for our kids,” United States Attorney Russell Coleman said, Time reported. “Mr. Goodlett not only violated this trust but exploited students for his own foul gratification. His significant punishment is well-earned.”

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Boner Candidate #2: I TOLD YOU TO KEEP THEM BRATS QUIET.

An elderly California woman was arrested Friday night after she allegedly shot a gun toward her neighbor’s children because they were “being noisy.” Betty Frances Sanders, 84, fired a handgun in the direction of the three children — ages 8 to 10 — as they were riding on their motorcycles at their home in Anderson, Redding Record Searchlight reported. The family was in the front yard of their property when Sanders and her husband approached the fence separating their two yards, the children’s mother, Angela Rollins, told deputies with the Shasta County Sheriff’s Office. Sanders allegedly complained about the children being too loud, which escalated into an argument. The woman then shot her handgun toward the family who were roughly 20 feet away, according to deputies.

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Boner Candidate #3: A VANITY PLATE THAT REALLY TELLS THE TRUTH.

A man driving a red Camaro with a vanity license plate that reads “DIRTBAG” ended up under arrest Sunday afternoon after what Bellevue police called “a series of bad decisions.” Police said the 40-year-old man is expected to be charged with first-degree assault with a firearm, assault on a police officer, malicious harassment, obstructing police and resisting arrest after the incident at a Brown Bear car wash in Factoria. Police said they responded to the car wash shortly after 3 p.m. after reports of a road-rage incident that began with a minor rear-end crash between two cars in the parking lot. They said the driver of the other car got out to take pictures of the damage, and the Camaro driver got out and pointed a gun at the victim and made threats. Police said when they showed up, the suspect wouldn’t get of the car, and he fought them when they tried to pull him out. One officer was punched in the face.

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