Boners

Boners (Rounds One and Two) for February 2nd, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: HIGH SCHOOL LESBIANS SHOULD KEEP QUIET

Two female students in Alabama were reportedly suspended from their high school after one asked her girlfriend to the prom. The Alexandria High School student staged the promposal Tuesday at a talent show during school hours with help from another female classmate, according to AL.com. Her girlfriend, who performed in the show, was not disciplined. The two students who planned the promposal, meanwhile, received in-school suspensions Wednesday after the incident, the site reported. School officials reportedly called the talent show promposal a “disruption,” but students in attendance disagreed with the characterization. “I was there when it happened,” senior Ashley Fadely told AL.com. “It was right after her performance. No words were spoken by them. They just got happy, hugged and that was it.” Fadely slammed the suspension, saying she believed the school “decided to act out of hatred and intolerance.”

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Boner Candidate #2: MY MOM HAS MY BACK.

Officials say a high school freshman’s mother joined her in a fight against another girl on a school bus in an Atlanta suburb. News outlets quote a Gwinnett County Schools police report as saying cellphone video shows 35-year-old Nijah Underwood hitting the girl’s face. Central Gwinnett High School principal Shane Orr says in a letter the two students got into a fight at a bus stop. One boarded the bus when it arrived while the other went home to get her mother. The mother and daughter confronted her despite the bus driver’s efforts to stop them. Jail records say Underwood was arrested on battery and school disruption charges.

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Boner Candidate #3: THE DONALD TRUMP PEE TAPE CAN’T POSSIBLY BE TRUE

I have long been an admirer of Jesse Watters and his endless fount of wisdom and boundless mental excretions in defense of our honorable President, Donald J. Trump. But he really outdid himself on the Hannity show tonight when he explained why there could not possibly be a “pee tape” as the nefarious Trump dossier claimed. Incredible. How can anyone escape such incredible logic? Well that’s it. Put a nail in the pee-soaked coffin of that lib narrative, thanks to the incredible wit and intellectual fortitude of one Jesse Waters. I salute you sir!!

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: I WAS TRYING TO HELP MY GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE SHE HAD COURT.

A 27-year-old man was taken into custody after allegedly making a bomb threat to a local county administration building. Officials with the Canadian County Sheriff’s Office say that the county administration building received a bomb threat around 1:15 p.m. on Tuesday. The caller told the receptionist at the administration building that if all of the inmates at the county jail weren’t released within 10 hours, he would blow up the county government complex. After the Canadian County Courthouse and the administration building were evacuated, authorities began searching the building for any suspicious devices. Officials say about 50 to 60 employees were evacuated.

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Boner Candidate #2: HOW DARE YOU MADAM. HOW DARE YOU

The head of the London Fire Brigade has said she was bombarded with abuse and had hate mail sent to her workplace after launching a campaign to encourage people to refer to “firefighters” rather than “firemen”. Dany Cotton, the first female commissioner of the LFB, said the campaign was about allowing both boys and girls to follow whatever path they wanted, but the backlash she received had made her feel isolated. “The backlash I’ve had – the vitriol, the spite, the unpleasantness – truly horrified and shocked me. And it showed me we’ve got a long way to go,” she said. “For a little while it made me want to back off and hide in a cave because it was shocking. I had letters of hate written to me at work.” Speaking at a event entitled “Gender Equality: will it take another 100 years” organised by the Young Women’s Trust, Cotton revealed the sexism she has faced throughout her 30-year career at the LFB.

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Boner Candidate #3: WAY TO GO RADIO GUYS.

A Houston-based radio station has been kicked off of radio row at Super Bowl LII in Minneapolis after two hosts got into a heated argument that went viral on Wednesday. As Matt Young of the Houston Chronicle noted in his recap of the feud, the entire crew of SportsTalk 790 was forced to leave radio row after morning host Josh Innes confronted Seth Payne, a former Texans defensive lineman who hosts a different morning show on SportsRadio 610 in Houston. The argument was broadcast live on air and a video was tweeted out by the “Kirk & Callahan Show” of WEEI in Boston. Innes was apparently the aggressor, as he sent his producer Jim Mudd to the 610 table to disrupt Payne’s show. As Mudd was walking away, Payne told him to have Innes “stop hiding behind his microphone” and confront Payne face to face. Innes responded to the challenge by walking over to the 610 table himself, and that’s when things became animated. “You’re a fraud, you’re a joke, you bounce around, the Philly people here know you’re a joke, the Houston people …,” Payne said. “You have like one employer left who you can work for.”

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