Boners

Boners (Rounds One and Two) for March 16th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: RIHANNA SENDS WELL DESERVED SLAP TO SNAPCHAT.

Rihanna called out Snapchat for running a sickening ad that asked users if they “would rather slap Rihanna or punch Chris Brown” — and sent the stock of the app’s parent company tumbling as much as 5 percent. “Now SNAPCHAT I know you already know you ain’t my fav app out there!” the “Work” singer wrote in an Instagram tirade on Thursday. “I’d love to call this ignorance, but I know you ain’t that dumb!” The shocking ad — which referred to Brown’s 2009 conviction for brutally assaulting Rihanna in a car — provoked disgust on social media over the weekend, with some vowing to delete Snapchat from their phones. “This isn’t about my personal feelings, cause I don’t have much of them … but all the women, children, and men that have been victims of DV in the past and especially the ones who haven’t made it out yet … you let us down! Shame on you. Throw the whole app-oligy away.” Even Chelsea Clinton weighed in on the mess, tweeting this week that it was “Awful that any company would approve this.” Snapchat’s parent, Snap Inc., responded Thursday by calling the ad “disgusting” and saying it “never should have appeared on our service.”

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Boner Candidate #2: YOU GOTTA SHOW ‘EM WHO’S BOSS.

An administrator at a New Jersey pre-school was busted this week for threatening two 4-year-old students with a knife as a form of punishment, according to prosecutors and a local report. Adetokunbo O. Akinnaso who served as an administrator at Dawn to Dusk Christian Childcare and Learning Center in Plainfield, had brandished a knife and threatened to harm the children — who were taken to her office for disciplinary reasons — if they continued misbehaving, the Union County Prosecutor’s office said in a statement. Neither child was injured in the incident, which occurred earlier this year, the statement said. Akinnaso, 64, of Sicklerville, Camden County, surrendered to authorities Tuesday and was charged with two counts of cruelty or neglect of children, a fourth-degree offense, prosecutors said. She could face up to 18 months in state prison.

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Boner Candidate #3: KONNICHIWA!

Let’s all hope President Donald Trump’s next candidate for secretary of state isn’t Ryan Zinke. Because as evidenced by a stupid blunder on Thursday, diplomacy isn’t his strong suit. The incident centers around Zinke’s tone-deaf reaction to Rep. Colleen Hanabusa (D-Hawaii), whose grandfathers were incarcerated by the U.S. government during World War II for their Japanese heritage. She said one of her grandfathers, a U.S. citizen, didn’t speak about the painful experience until much later in life. Hanabusa shared the detail Thursday morning in a hearing with the interior secretary, seeking to persuade him to restore around $2 million in grant funds for organizations dedicated to preserving the memory of that ugly chapter in American history. “I believe that it is essential that we as a nation recognize our darkest moments so that we don’t have them repeat again,” Hanabusa urged Zinke. “My grandfather was born in Hawaii and is a citizen by birth,” Hanabusa noted during the hearing. Despite being a U.S. citizen, however, he was imprisoned in an Oahu camp called Honouliuli ― though the prisoners there used a different name: “jigokudani,” or “Hell’s Valley.”

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: WHAT THE HELL? SHE FELL ON MY GOAT!

A Pensacola woman is facing a battery charge for allegedly physically assaulting her nephew after she fell on top of a goat while intoxicated. According to a Santa Rosa County Sheriff’s Office (SRCSO) arrest report, deputies responded to the 4700 block of Lynn Road in Milton on Tuesday in reference to a disturbance. Once on the scene, deputies made contact with a man who told them that his aunt, Jan Strickland, had come inside a barn located on the property to hold a goat, the arrest report said. The arrest report stated that Strickland’s level of intoxication caused her to fall on the goat and her nephew then removed her. While she was being removed, Strickland struck her nephew in the chest three times and shoved him into a barn stall door, according to the arrest report. The man’s wife told deputies that she was in the barn at the time and witnessed the altercation. According to the arrest report, Strickland was located by deputies after several minutes on the side of the barn and was not responsive and not alert.

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Boner Candidate #2: THE LADIES DON’T KNOW HOW TO SHOOT.

Unlike many of his fellow Republicans, Alabama State Rep. Harry Shiver doesn’t think arming school teachers is a good way to protect students. But before you celebrate his common sense, you should know his reasoning is exactly what you’d expect to hear from a conservative. He doesn’t want to arm teachers because a lot of teachers are women, and we all know how delicate they are. Most women, and women teachers in particular, “are scared of guns,” and should not be expected to carry them in classrooms, he said. “I’ve heard … that 75 percent of Republicans support it, but I was there live and in person and I know what it is like in the schools,” said Shiver. “Most women wouldn’t like to be put in that position. I know from South Alabama, they wouldn’t.” My brain hurts. He’s taking the right position for all the wrong reasons, and I’m reluctant to be grateful that his sexism guides him in the right direction.

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Boner Candidate #3: HELPS ME CONCENTRATE ON THE JOB AT HAND,

A former patient has filed a complaint saying a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon used drugs and watched “bizarre, hardcore” pornography during surgeries, according to KTLA. The alleged former patient, Tess Broussard, told KTLA she suffered botched lip fillers before she tried suing the doctor for medical malpractice back in 2013. That suit got dismissed when Broussard’s expert witness could no longer testify — a blow to her legal battle that was delivered by Dr. Randal Haworth himself, she said. Now she said she is filing an amended complaint against the doctor that includes an array of strange new allegations. Broussard and her attorney cited a 2017 deposition of a surgical consultant who worked for Haworth for some 15 years. The consultant described Haworth’s behavior inside the operating room, according to Broussard’s attorney, Christopher Rudd. “He apparently regularly plays really bizarre hard-core pornography and other things in surgery,” Rudd said, again citing the deposition. Graphic and violent videos would play on a monitor inside the operating room when Haworth was performing surgery, Broussard and her attorney said the deposition claims. That deposition, Rudd said, also accuses the doctor of altering and forging patients’ records and performing surgeries he may not be fit to do. After being treated for eye cancer, the doctor was left with impacted vision that could affect his ability to properly operate, according to the deposition. Broussard said she “never” would have sought out his surgical work if she would have known that.

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