Boners

Boners (Rounds One and Two) for March 29th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: TAMMY’S LEGS DON’T BUCKLE.

Iraq War veteran and U.S. Sen. Tammy Duckworth (D-Ill.) hit back at the conservative Red State blog for using a particularly awful phrase in an article attacking her support of Miguel Perez Jr., a veteran who served two tours in Afghanistan but was still deported to Mexico. Last week, Duckworth, a Black Hawk helicopter pilot who received the Purple Heart for her service in Iraq, appealed to the Department of Homeland Security to review Perez’s deportation case, arguing that deporting him would be a “shocking betrayal” of a veteran who fought for the United States. “Unfortunately, Duckworth really doesn’t have a leg to stand on in making this argument,” the article read ― a highly insulting attack on the senator, who lost both her legs fighting in Iraq when her helicopter was struck by a rocket-propelled grenade. The senator, known for her sharp-witted Twitter responses, sent quite the comeback. “Thanks for noticing, Red State, but you’re wrong. I actually have two legs. They’re made of titanium, and they don’t buckle.”

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Boner Candidate #2: LIGHTER IS BETTER

Heineken pulled a series of commercials for light beer this week that featured the tagline “sometimes, lighter is better,” after one of the ads was criticized as racist. The brewer, which became the latest company to face criticism over marketing that appears to support a preference for fair complexions, responded to the controversy on Monday. “We missed the mark, are taking the feedback to heart and will use this to influence future campaigns,” Heineken U.S. said. In the ad, a vigilant bartender spots a faraway female patron gazing disappointingly at a wine glass. Quickly, he opens a beer bottle and slides it down the bar. On its journey over multiple surfaces, the bottle skates past two black women and a black man before stopping at the wine glass. The phrase “sometimes, lighter is better” flashes on screen before the woman, who has lighter skin, inspects the bottle.

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Boner Candidate #3: HE MUST HAVE BEEN ASKIN’ FOR IT

Police are hunting for a man who approached a 5-year-old boy riding the New York City subway and punched him in the face as the child’s mother was standing next to him. The man, identified as Ramon Thomas, 25, was on the G train just before 4:30 p.m. Saturday when he attacked the boy who was standing next to his mother, police said. The train was approaching the Bergen Street station in Brooklyn’s Cobble Hill neighborhood. The man then taunted the child before fleeing the train when the doors opened at the station. It’s unclear what provoked the attack. Police sources told the New York Daily News the attacker yelled at the boy, “Are you going to cry to ya’ mommy?” The boy suffered bruising and swelling to the left side of his face. He was taken to the hospital, treated for his injuries and later released.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: LAURA ATTACKS ONE OF THE PARKLAND KIDS

On Wednesday, Laura Ingraham, host of the primetime Fox News show Ingraham Angle, mocked 17-year-old Parkland school shooting survivor David Hogg for getting rejected by four colleges. “David Hogg Rejected By Four Colleges To Which He Applied and whines about it,” Ingraham tweeted. “(Dinged by UCLA with a 4.1 GPA…totally predictable given acceptance rates.)” Ingraham’s tweet links to a Daily Wire aggregation of an interview Hogg did with TMZ in which he discussed getting rejected from four University of California schools. “It’s not been too great for me and some of the other members of the movement, like Ryan Deitsch,” Hogg said, alluding to how his application process is going after 17 of his classmates were killed in the shooting on February 14. “It’s been kind of annoying having to deal with that and everything else that’s been going on but at this point, you know, we’re changing the world. We’re too busy. Right now it’s hard to focus on that.”

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Boner Candidate #2: I NEEDED A LIFT

Police say a Pennsylvania woman faked a pregnancy to hitch a ride back to her hometown. Authorities say the 25-year-old called emergency services March 20, claiming she was having a complication with her pregnancy. The ambulance drove the woman and her male companion from Latrobe to her hometown of Greensburg, where she was placed in a hospital room for examination. Police say the woman walked out of the emergency room before she could be examined. The woman gave her name and address to first responders, and police traced her to an apartment where she was hiding in the attic. Police have charged with woman with theft of services, which carries an $800 fine.

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Boner Candidate #3: HE’S A MONEY MAKER.

Over 15 years, four women in Lake Oswego, Ore., a wealthy Portland suburb, sought police protection against the same man, court filings show. “He threatened to burn down my house with me in it,” one woman wrote in her application for a restraining order. “I don’t know what he’s going to do next,” a second wrote. “He choked me so hard it left a mark on my throat,” wrote another. “He is scaring my children and me,” a fourth woman said. Yet the man, Douglas E. Greenberg, remains one of Morgan Stanley’s top financial advisers — and a celebrated member of the wealth management industry. For years, Morgan Stanley executives knew about his alleged conduct, according to seven former Morgan Stanley employees. Morgan Stanley received a federal subpoena related to one abuse allegation, according to a lawyer for one of the women. In another instance, a Morgan Stanley manager alerted his superior when Mr. Greenberg was charged with violating a restraining order, according to three former employees. Another manager at the firm liked and replied to a Facebook post by one of Mr. Greenberg’s ex-wives in which she described his abuse. On yet another occasion, an official from the bank’s New York headquarters flew to Portland to investigate, two former employees said.

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