Boners

Boners (Rounds One and Two) for March 30th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: YEP. EVERYTHING IS GOING ACCORDING TO MY CAREFUL PLAN.

A Florida man’s picture is the early front-runner to win mugshot of the year, and it’s not his first brush with the law. While details are scarce about the recent traffic violation that landed Robert Hardister in the St. Johns County jail, the rich tapestry of tattoos covering his face tells a story of its own. Jail records show Hardister, 26, was booked Tuesday on a charge of driving with a suspended license. At last check, he remained in custody without bond. Court records show he’s been arrested at least 18 times, most of which took place in Palm Beach — with some in St. Johns and Martin counties as well. The vast majority of his charges appear to be theft-related and probation violations.

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Boner Candidate #2: MOMMY NEEDS SOME ALONE TIME

A woman has been charged with leaving her two young children outside for six hours while allegedly doing drugs.

Samantha Rose Ann Espinoza, 30, of American Fork, was charged Wednesday in 4th District Court with two counts of endangerment of a child, a third-degree felony; drug possession, a class A misdemeanor; and two counts of child abuse, a class B misdemeanor. On Saturday, Espinoza “locked her 2-year-old son and 7-year-old daughter out in 47-degree weather for about six hours,” according to charging documents. Police say neighbors noticed the children outside and provided food and extra clothes at various times throughout the afternoon. The 2-year-old, specifically, told one neighbor he was cold, the charges state. “The 2-year-old was also wandering through the middle of the parking lot/road,” according to the charges. Police and neighbors attempted to contact the mother without success, investigators said. When police arrived at the scene, an officer got the mother’s door open and called out to her.

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Boner Candidate #3: HE’S A GOOD FAMILY MAN!

A Long Island, New York judge was arrested on Thursday after his neighbor accused him of breaking into her home and stealing her underwear. Erm. Erlck. Ergglg. Glarg. As reported by Newsday, police in Suffolk County, New York, were called to the home of a 23-year-old woman at around 9 a.m. on Thursday, when she reported an intruder in her home. The woman told police she heard a noise and spotted the man inside. He fled upon realizing she was home, she said. Cops then caught up with one Judge Robert Cicale, 49, about two blocks away, noting he fit the woman’s description of the intruder. He also had a little something of hers in his possession, according to police. “He was found with . . . female undergarments. We don’t know if these were the proceeds from the burglary today or a previous break-in,” Suffolk Country Police’s acting commissioner, Stuart Cameron, told Newsday. A neighbor told the New York Daily News Cicale was a “good family man,” not that family men can’t break into their young neighbors’ homes and snatch their undergarments.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: THIS WAS UNNECESSARY AND DISRESPECTFUL

Winning your first-ever MMA fight is a fantastic cause for celebration. But Drew Chatman’s choice in celebration cost him the victory he’d just achieved. In some of the most bizarre scenes you’ll see inside the cage, Chatman won his first bout after opponent Irvins Ayala knocked himself out. As Chatman lay on his back, Ayala tried to throw a hammerfist, but his chin caught Chatman’s knee on his way down and turned his own lights out. After the referee waved off the fight and awarded the victory to Chatman, he stood on the back of his passed-out opponent and attempted a front flip. The completely unnecessary and disrespectful act got Chatman a disqualification and handed the win instead to Ayala. The fight was a preliminary ahead of the LFA 36 main card, which saw all seven fights on the card end in remarkable fashion. Corey Turner barely had time to blink as Taylor Johnson mobbed him before taking him to the canvas and ending the opening fight after only 36 seconds. While the knockouts came thick and fast, the most notable win of the night came when Ricky Simon defended his LFA title in comprehensive fashion.

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Boner Candidate #2: WE ARE A SOCIETY OF RULES.

In February 2016, fourteen-year old Austin Hancock opened fire at Madison High School in Butler County, Ohio and wounded two students. A little over two years later, the Cincinnati Enquirer reports, 43 students at Madison High School have been given detention after their decision to participate in the March 14th nationwide student walkout to protest school shootings. One of the students given detention, Cooper Caffrey, was one of the students shot that February day. On the day of the walkout, the Enquirer says, Caffrey and 42 of his fellow students decided on an impromptu protest after the principal of the school said that anyone who decided to “disrupt the school day” would be punished. Despite warnings of school resource officers not to go past a certain point, they made it to the side of the building and said a prayer.

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Boner Candidate #3: AND THEY WENT AND GOT HIM.

A man who taunted deputies on his four-wheeler with a beer in hand is now in custody. On Saturday evening deputies attempted a traffic stop on three four wheelers for driving on a county maintained road.  Two of the four wheelers stopped on Windflower Street, a third fled from the stop. A white male driving the third four wheeler  later returned to the traffic stop and began taunting the deputy and driving in circles in the middle of the road shouting “Come and get me!” Shortly after additional deputies arrived in the area. When deputies turned down Margaret Boulevard the four-wheeler accelerated rapidly toward the front of the patrol and swerved around it. The suspect was seen holding a beer can in his left hand and yelling as he went by.  The suspect then accelerated rapidly southbound on Watson Road and then turned onto Guinevere Lane.

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