Boners

Boners (Rounds One and Two) for March 6th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: THIS WAS THE VERY BEST CHOWDER!

A man arrested Monday is accused of calling 911 four times to complain about someone throwing his clam chowder into a dumpster, and then once more to complain about being given a misdemeanor summons for misusing the 911 system, according to a report. Sok Yi, 70, of Main Street, was issued a misdemeanor summons for misuse of a 911 system. Police said Yi called 911 four separate times Monday and did not report any type of emergency during these calls, instead yelling and screaming that someone had thrown his clam chowder into a dumpster. Police said Yi admitted there was no emergency at his home but called 911 because he had no other number to contact police. He was released on a promise to appear in court March 12. An hour later, dispatch reported they received another 911 call from Yi. During this 911 call, Yi allegedly did not report any sort of emergency, instead complain to the dispatcher he had received a summons for misusing the 911 system. When police arrived on scene, officers found Yi lying in his bed intoxicated, but said he did not need any sort of medical or police assistance. He then began to angrily complain about being issued a misdemeanor summons, police said.

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Boner Candidate #2: SOME UTAH LAWYERS CALLED TO COMPLAIN. WE SHOULD STRESS SOME, NOT ALL.

The Utah State Bar is “investigating” after a photo of a topless woman was sent to state lawyers in an email intended to advertise for its spring convention. At just after 3:10 p.m. on Monday, an email with two images was sent to Utah lawyers. The first was an image advertising the Bar’s 2018 Spring Convention in St. George. Beneath it was a photo of a woman’s bare chest. “We are aware of the situation,” Bar communications director Matt Page said Monday afternoon. “We’re investigating how it got out.”  Page said the email was created “in-house” and sent to Utah lawyers, adding that he had no idea how the inappropriate image got into the message. He said he created the image advertising the Spring Convention, but no images of topless women were included at that time. The email was sent to all active attorneys in Utah, according to a press release. “We are horrified,” said John Baldwin, executive director of the Bar. “We are investigating to discover how this occurred. Our goal is to find out what happened and insure it never happens again.”

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Boner Candidate #3: ONE LAWMAKER WAS LATE FOR THE VOTE. HE WAS PICKING UP HIS WIFE AT HIGH SCHOOL

A bill to stop child marriage in Kentucky was stalled by a conservative group this week, leaving some state lawmakers furious. But the group said they just want to protect parents’ rights in the process. State Sen. Julie Raque Adams (R-Louisville) introduced Senate Bill 48 after she learned that Kentucky has the third-highest rate of child marriage in the country, just below Texas and Florida, according to Insider Louisville. From 2000 to 2015, more than 10,000 children were married in Kentucky, according to the Tahirih Justice Center. Donna Pollard, a leading advocate for the bill, told the Courier Journal that she was married at 16 to an older man who had sexually abused her since she was just 14. She said she was encouraged to marry by her mother, who had been wed at just 13 years old herself. She described her former husband as a “perpetrator” who regularly abused her. “I felt just completely and totally trapped,” said Pollard, who is now divorced.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: OKAY, SO WHO HASN’T DONE THIS A FEW TIMES?

Bangladesh authorities arrested a passenger who reportedly stripped naked and watched porn on his computer before attacking an airline crew member on a flight from Kuala Lampur, Malaysia, to Dhaka, Bangladesh Saturday night. Shortly after takeoff, the 20-year-old university student, who was flying back home on the Malindo Air flight, began to exhibit disturbing behavior, New Strait Times reported. At about 10,000 feet, the man took off all his clothes and started watching pornography on his laptop, according to the paper. An airline crew member requested the man put his clothes back on, to which he complied. “The cabin crew approached him and politely asked him to put on his clothes,” another passenger on the plane said to The Sun Daily. Soon after, the man went to the restroom and tried to hug a female crew member. “He complied with their request. A short while later there was some commotion at the toilet area and it turned out that he was harassing a stewardess.”The man tried to hug another female crew member later on in the flight, but became aggressive and attacked the head cabin crew member after attempts were made to calm him down.

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Boner Candidate #2: IT WAS ONLY FOR NAP TIME. .

Three Illinois daycare teachers were arrested Friday for allegedly giving toddlers gummy bears laced with the over-the-counter sleep aid melatonin. Kristen Lauletta, 32, Jessica Heyse, 19, and Ashley Helfenbein, 25, were each charged with two counts of endangering the life or health of a child and two counts of battery. Des Plaines Police allege they were called to the Kiddie Junction Daycare Center in Des Plaines by daycare management after they discovered one of the teachers had been distributing gummy bears to the class of two-year-olds to “calm the kids down for nap time,” Commander Chris Mierzwa tells PEOPLE. Mierzwa says during a police interview the teacher told them that two other co-workers were also allegedly giving out the gummy bears. Mierzwa alleges the teachers had been giving the toddlers at the daycare the gummy bears since November 2016. “Not every child was given it,” he says.

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Boner Candidate #3:  THAT SEX VIDEO WAS MY PERSONAL PROPERTY!

A Florida woman is suing a T-Mobile store employee for invasion of privacy, claiming he stole a sex video while working on her cellphone. Keely Hightower tells the Tampa Bay Times she thought the employee was taking too long when she took her phone to the store in May. The next day she spotted an unfamiliar email sent from her account with an attachment in the trash folder. She says the file was a video that she kept on her phone, showing her engaging in sex acts. She realized it had been sent by the employee, Roberto Sanchez Ramos. She called police. Court records show he pleaded guilty to a computer offense charge and got 6 months in jail.

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