Boner of the Day

Boner (Round One and Two) for May 9th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: SOUNDS LIKE A MEDICAL EMERGENCY TO ME.

A Florida woman was arrested on Friday after cops said she falsely called 911 claiming a medical emergency, when she was just thirsty. It turns out that Jennifer Sue Roberts’ emergency was a need for beer, WFLA-TV reported, citing an arrest affidavit. The 57-year-old called 911 twice — just after 12 noon and just before 4 p.m. — claiming she had a medical emergency, according to the Tampa Bay Times. Roberts reportedly appeared intoxicated when paramedics arrived after the second call. Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office records seemingly indicate Roberts, who also reportedly goes by Jennifer Sue Sunday, has been accused numerous times of dialing 911 without an emergency. WFLA reports she’s made 28 false calls since February.

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Boner Candidate #2: I BET WE CAN DRIVE UNDERWATER.

LAKE HAVASU CITY, AZ – Authorities say two people who made a bet now know how far their car can go into the water and still drive at a Lake Havasu beach in western Arizona

The answer is — not very far.

The Mohave County Sheriff’s Office says the water disabled the vehicle as it entered the water Saturday, causing it to become stuck while it was approximately halfway submerged. During the investigation, it was learned that one of the occupants of the vehicle had an active misdemeanor arrest warrant. He was taken into custody and booked into jail at the Mohave County Adult Detention Facility. Sheriff’s spokeswoman Anita Mortensen says sheriff’s personnel arranged for the vehicle to be towed from the lake.

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Boner Candidate #3: THE SEXUAL HARASSMENT TRIO.

A monthslong investigation into the conduct of three Davis County corrections deputies found they had been “relentless” in making unwanted and inappropriate advances toward young, female co-workers. The inquiry identified numerous instances of policy violations and also found that the deputies’ supervisors ignored, or did not fully investigate, complaints about the deputies’ behavior. One deputy resigned, two others got time off without pay and two supervisors were demoted. In addition to habitually hanging around the work area of young, female clerks, and repeatedly calling them and sending them messages, the investigation found that the deputies had, on multiple occasions, physically made female co-workers uncomfortable — including forcing a woman into an unwanted hug, grabbing a woman’s buttock at the gym and making sexual advances that were inappropriate, leading at least one woman to quit her job with the county, according to the documents.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: THE ZOMBIES MADE ME DO IT.

The man accused of stealing a John Deere front-end loader, then using it to ram trailers and vehicles in a Walmart parking lot, told police “he thought it was the end of the world and zombies were chasing him,” a court appearance revealed. Shaun Michael Stroud, 32, of Kiln waived a preliminary hearing in Justice Court and remains in the Harrison County jail on a $550,000 bond. A grand jury will decide whether he should be indicted and tried on one charge of grand larceny and two charges each of felony malicious mischief and aggravated assault. Stroud is accused of stealing the front-end loader in the early morning hours of April 8 from Gulf Recycling on Creosote Road. Police say he then drove it the short distance to Walmart on U.S. 49, where mayhem ensued. Stroud is accused of hitting two occupied vehicles, several utility trailers and three unoccupied vehicles. Gulfport police say they had to put down spike strips to stop Stroud in the nearby parking lot of a Nissan dealership after he fled in the front-end loader.

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Boner Candidate #2: AIR B AND BEING BLACK IN A WHITE NEIGHBORHOOD.

It was an entirely routine moment: Four people exited the home they had rented on Airbnb in Rialto, Calif., and loaded suitcases into their car. Within minutes, several police cars had arrived and the group was being questioned as a helicopter flew overhead. A neighbor who didn’t recognize them had reported a possible burglary, the police said. They were in fact four creative professionals in town for an event. Now the three black people in the group are suing the Rialto Police Department, saying they were unfairly treated during the April 30 encounter. “Got surrounded by the police for being black in a white neighborhood,” one of the guests, Donisha Prendergast, a filmmaker and a granddaughter of Bob Marley, wrote on Instagram. “I’m sad and irritated to see that fear is still the first place police officers go in their pursuit to serve and protect, to the point that protocol supersedes their ability to have discernment.”

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Boner Candidate #3: SORRY. YOU ARE IN AURORA.

A man identified as the son of Denver Mayor Michael Hancock is heard telling a police officer “my dad’s the mayor, you f—–g f—-t” in a video that surfaced following a traffic stop in late March. The 20-second clip, sent by an anonymous source to The Denver Channel and published Tuesday, was reportedly recorded while Jordan Hancock was being ticketed for driving 65 miles per hour in a 40-mph zone. “Guess what? I’m about to get you fired you f—–g b—h,” the 22-year-old is heard saying to an Aurora cop. “My dad’s the mayor, you f—–g f—-t.” The officer responds: “Of Denver? Well you’re in Aurora.” On Hancock’s ticket, the officer wrote “Attitude very poor-see video,” according to The Denver Channel. Hancock appeared in court Monday and agreed to pay a $250 fine, but dodged questions from a reporter afterward about the coarse language heard in the video.

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