Boners

Boner Candidates July 8, 2016

 Boner Candidate #1: HE DESTROYED MY LIFE

A school principal falsely accused of having sex with multiple co-workers, parents and a student has told for the first time how her life was destroyed by a vengeful ex-boyfriend. Annie Schmutz Seifullah’s ten-year teaching career ended abruptly amid unfounded claims that she’d enjoyed numerous trysts on school property. She claims New York City’s Department of Education ‘threw her to the wolves’ and bullied her out of the job she loved.

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Boner Candidate #2:UH, DONALD, I’M NOT RUNNING FOR RE-ELECTION

As he often says, Donald Trump likes people who like him, and doesn’t like people who don’t. Jeff Flake, the junior senator from Arizona, doesn’t like him, and so Donald Trump does not like Jeff Flake. The dynamic made for a predictably entertaining back and forth Thursday, when Trump and Senate Republicans met at a gathering intended to build party unity.

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Boner Candidate #3:BIG TOUGH GUY PURSE SNATCHER

Police are looking for a man who allegedly stole two purses belonging to young girls while at a Wal-Mart in Layton Tuesday. According to the Layton City Police Department, the man pictured above stole the purses from a shopping cart while at the Wal-Mart in Layton, 745 West Hill Field Road. The first purse belonged to a 6-year-old girl and contained $8.45. The second purse belonged to a 7-year-old girl and contained $3.00

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