Boners

Boner Candidate Preview June 11, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: HAVE I GONE TOO FAR

Conservative news host Tomi Lahren is once again in the national spotlight for her controversial statements. This time, the commentator on Glenn Beck’s The Blaze compared the Black Lives Matter with the Ku Klux Klan. ‘Meet the new KKK, they call themselves ‘Black Lives Matter’ but make no mistake their goals are far from equality,’ she wrote Friday in a tweet that has since been deleted. Media critic David Zurawik fired back, getting into argument with Lahren when the 23-year-old commentator argued on CNN that people with extremist statements should be allowed to defend themselves on air.

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Boner Candidate #2: I THINK THIS MUST BE A MOCKERY OF RELIGION

A Chicago-area woman says she wants to fight for her right to wear a pasta strainer on her head in her driver’s license photo, claiming the item is an expression of her religious beliefs. Rachel Hoover, 21, says she belongs to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and has actively practiced the religion for five years. Members call themselves Pastafarians. The Arlington Heights woman had gone to the Illinois secretary of state’s Schaumburg facility last week to renew her license and told an employee she wanted to take her photo with a colander on her head “to make a point that this is my religion.”

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Boner Candidate #3: YOU MUST SIGN AND YOU MUST PLAY SANDMAN

A trip through customs turned into a comedy of errors as the Red Hot Chili Peppers were mistaken for fellow Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductees Metallica by Belarus customs officials. According to Flea, with the Chili Peppers touring Europe in support of their new LP The Getaway, the band were at a Belarus airport between Kiev, Ukraine and Moscow, Russia gigs when they were called into the customs office. Once there, the Peppers were asked for their autographs… only they were handed Metallica photos and memorabilia to sign.

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Boner Candidate #4: YES THURL, WE ARE THAT IGNORANT

The City of American Fork is speaking out after a parade participant carried a Confederate Flag in the Annual Steel Day Celebration Parade on Saturday. Former Jazz Player Thurl Bailey tweeted a video of the confederate flag headed down Main Street during the parade. “The last few days have been interesting,” wrote a spokesperson from the city in a statement, noting vandalism made to American Fork’s Veteran’s Memorial, which honors those who fought in Iraq and Afghanistan after 9/11.

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Boner Candidate #5: MAYBE I CHOSE THE WRONG WORDS

This story has been revised to include additional comment from Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick saying he might have chosen the wrong words and additional comment from Gov. Greg Abbott. Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick called protesters who ran away from the hail of bullets that rained down on Downtown Dallas on Thursday night “hypocrites” during an interview Friday on Fox News. “All those protesters last night, they turned around and ran the other way expecting the men and women in blue to protect them. What hypocrites!” an audibly emotional Patrick said.

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Boner Candidate #6: OH PLEASE, LET ME HELP

Levi Johnston needs to pay the piper now that the dust has settled in his custody war with Bristol Palin, and people are responding. It appears Levi and wife Sunny set up a GoFundMe account for attorney’s fees they racked up in their fight for Levi. He and Bristol settled the case … they now have joint custody. But lawyers need to get paid, so they set a goal of $5k, and as of this post they’re raised more than $5,600. Who knew?

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