ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: I WILL PUT A STOP TO BEER DRINKING IN THIS CITY; DON’T THINK I WON’T DO IT.
An Ohio man has been charged for a second time after making terroristic threats against a Jewish school and saying that he wanted to crash a plane into the Anheuser-Busch in Columbus.
Boner Candidate #2: I REALLY DISLIKE RAND PAUL.
Rand Paul held up Ketanji Brown Jackson’s confirmation hearing for over 15 minutes because he was nowhere to be found, eventually showing up to vote “Nay” from outside the courtroom because he wasn’t wearing a suit.
Boner Candidate #3: I SAY MANY THINGS THAT PEOPLE DON’T UNDERSTAND.
After saying that Donald Trump was “practically and morally responsible” for the January 6th events, Mitch McConnell said he would still support Trump in 2024 because he has an “obligation” to support his party’s nominee.
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: THESE TRUMP APPOINTEES ARE STILL WREAKING HAVOC.
The inspector general of the Department of Homeland Security ordered staff to remove findings from a damaging investigative report into the sexual harassment and domestic violence that more than 10,000 employees of Customs and Border Protection, Immigration and Customs Enforcement, the Secret Service and the Transportation Security Administration have experienced.
Boner Candidate #2: WATCH OUT FOR THE LUNCH POLICE.
Starting on Monday, a school district in Pennsylvania will begin searching students’ lunch bags and limiting the amount of snacks to nothing more than a 4-ounce bag of chips and a 20-ounce bottle of soda.
Boner Candidate #3: SHOULD HAVE NOMINATED HIM DAYS AGO.
After viewing a video of Spencer Cox stating his pronouns for a student during a Q&A with, Tucker Carlson called Cox a “creepy guy” and said “he went full hostage video”.
