ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1:WELL THIS IS EMBARRASSING
A British police officer needed to be rescued by firefighters after getting his hands stuck in a pair of handcuffs. Fire crew in Northamptonshire, central England, tweeted that they were sent to release an officer from the device on Tuesday morning. “09:46 Police Officer released from handcuffs after they had failed, used pedal cutters to release,” they wrote. Scott Renwick, the Core Training Sergeant for the region’s police force, admitted that he was the officer in question. “Well that wasn’t a good start to the day. Thanks to @northantsfire for cutting me out of some broken cuffs. #NotFunny. I would have laughed too!!,” he wrote. Renwick added that he walked himself to the fire station to get assistance. “If I put a smile on a single face during these difficult times my job is done,” he said in response to jovial replies from members of the public.
Boner Candidate #2:IF ONLY JOHN HAD BEEN ABLE TO TOKE UP ON SOME OF MY BLACK DIAMOND BRAND POT
Jim Belushi is on a mission to de-stigmatize medical marijuana in his new Discover series, Growing Belushi. In the new reality series, which premiered on Wednesday, the 66-year-old actor takes viewers inside the legal cannabis business he runs from his 93-acre Oregon farm with his family. “I just thought that this was something that nobody’s ever seen,” Jim told Fox News in a new interview. “I think there are people that are very frightened about cannabis and its attributes and I thought, ‘You know what? If everybody just sees how it’s grown, sees the people that are involved, that really care… the testing that’s involved, the safety involved, they may feel a little more relaxed about trying cannabis.” Jim, who has long been an advocate for cannabis, said that his interest in medical marijuana stems from a personal tragedy: his brother, Saturday Night Live star John Belushi, died in 1982 at age 33 from a drug overdose. “My brother, I think, suffered from CTE,” Jim explained, adding that John had brain damage after years of playing football growing up. “Senior year he seizured in our home, and we didn’t know what it was,” Jim recalled.
Boner Candidate #3:MIKE LEE IS A BULLY
Parents at a Provo elementary school are taking issue with disparaging social media comments Sen. Mike Lee made about precautions being taken to protect teachers and students from COVID-19. Lee reacted to an Edgemont Elementary post on Instagram showing children sitting in class at desks behind three-sided, box-like plexiglass shields. The students are wearing face masks as is a teacher standing next to them. “Kids are ready to learn with their new power shields — ready to be superhero learners (with masks and shields),” the caption reads. Lee, R-Utah, mocked the “power shields” on Facebook, Twitter and Parler, a conservative social media alternative to Twitter. “What the actual hell? If they’re already wearing masks and distanced, why the need for a “power shield”? (By the way, “power shield” = euphemism for “cage”). I’m sure that whoever came up with this idea had good intentions, but some ideas prove better on paper than in practice. This is mean,” the senator wrote Wednesday night. Lee later updated the Facebook post, noting that the school deleted the Instagram post, and provided a screenshot.
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ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: THEY WERE PRETTY EASY TO FIND
A group of thieves behind the burglaries of nearly 30 homes couldn’t have been easier to find: They carried out the heists while wearing ankle devices that pinpoint their locations, police say.
The burglars “committed these crimes while already on pretrial release for previous crimes and while wearing court-ordered GPS ankle monitors,” said Hollywood police spokesman Officer Christian Lata. More than $150,000 in cash, an AK-47, a Smith & Wesson handgun, cellphones, iPads, jewelry, designer handbags, ammunition, blank checks, fraudulent debit and credit cards, and a stolen vehicle were among the items seized by authorities, documents show. Zion Odain Denvor Hall, 21, Tyrek Davontae Williams, 19, and Tremaine Raekwon Hill, 18, are “believed to be a part of a criminal organization committing burglaries, armed burglaries, fraud, gun thefts and other criminal acts throughout South Florida,” police said Tuesday.
The three men, who were arrested Friday, face charges of burglary, grand theft and racketeering.
Boner Candidate #2: I WOULDN’T PROSTITUTE MYSELF TUCKER
Just after Joe Biden announced Kamala Harris as his 2020 running mate, Sarah Palin wrote a surprisingly gracious note of advice to the California senator on her Instagram page. What a difference a week and Fox News makes. Appearing with Tucker Carlson ahead of Harris’ big speech on night three of the Democratic National Convention, Palin predicted that “the media” would treat the Democratic ticket like “delicate pieces of China” compared to the way she was treated in 2008 when she was running with John McCain on the Republican ticket. “Looking back, is there anything you could have done to get the kind of coverage that Kamala Harris is getting now?” Carlson asked. “Like you care about equality deep within your soul, that you’re a rockstar, a celebrity, you’re the Dalai Lama reincarnated. Could you have done anything to get that kind of coverage?”Speaking carefully, Palin replied, “I would not have prostituted myself in terms of changing any of my positions in order to garner better press.” She went on to suggest that she would “gotten a lot better coverage” had she “compromised my convictions,” seeming to imply that Harris has done that, without providing specific examples.
Boner Candidate #3:OKAY, WE’LL MAKE THE GAYS INVISIBLE
When Jamie and Ben Belnap bought a home in Heber City three years ago, their son had just come out as gay. The parents worried about the response he would receive in the conservative mountain valley town. But then in June 2019, the family noticed rainbow-colored pride flags hanging from the street lights along Main Street. “It was comforting at the time,” Jamie Belnap said. “It made us feel like, ‘OK, this is a more accepting community than we thought.‘” Then came the backlash. Residents began showing up at City Council meetings calling the flags “disturbing” and “political.” One Wasatch County Council member, speaking as a private citizen, called the concept of pride “odd.” He noted that he didn’t think rainbow flags did any harm, but worried what the City Council would do if people wanted to fly Nazi or Confederate flags on Main Street. “How upset a lot of residents are has been really discouraging,” Jamie Belnap said. “Think of all the kids who don’t feel comfortable coming out and the message that sends.” The pride flags flew again this summer in the city of about 16,000 people, sparking more complaints and prompting the City Council to consider an ordinance restricting what types of banners can be hung from city street posts.
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