BONER CANDIDATE #1: THAT MY FRIEND IS A TWO CUP OFFENSE
A 79 year old man hurled a hot cup of coffee to an McDonalds employee after becoming furious that his order was taking too long. The assault happened at a downtown McDonalds Monday morning, around the 6 am hour. As per police affidavit, “two full cups of freshly brewed coffee on the victim through the drive-thru window, hitting the left side of her face and chest.” The coffee can get up to 220 degrees, so thankfully, the injuries to the employee were only minor. The angry elderly man was booked into jail under investigation of aggravated assault.
BONER CANDIDATE #2: GOV. DESANTIS LOVES THIGH FOOD
Charles Finch, American author and critic, was a former classmate of Gov. Ron DeSantis. He claims, according to a friend, that DeSantis had an uncanny first date ritual with women. He would tell those dates that he liked Thai food but intentionally call it “thigh” food. Strange tactic indeed, and if corrected he would leave. Because he didn’t want a girlfriend to correct him. To the surprise of absolutely no one at all, the followers of DeSantis claim this is nothing but ‘gossip’.
BONER CANDIDATE #3: A BLATANT ATTEMPT TO SUPRESS VOTES
A robocall scheme has two conservatives in hot water. Thousands of false calls told voters that they could be arrested or be forced to receive vaccinations, depending on the information inside their mail in ballots. The callous calls claimed that law enforcement would use information obtained in those ballots to impose arrest warrants, lead to CDC tracking to force vaccines, and collect on debt. When talking about the charges the two men faced, Cuyahoga County prosecutor said they, “clearly infringed upon that right in a blatant attempt to suppress votes and undermine the integrity of this election.”
