Boners

Boner (Round One and Two) for August 28th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: IF THE DEVIL IS IN YOUR COUCH, YOU GOT TO GET THE DEVIL OUT OF THAT COUCH.

The Louisiana Office of State Fire Marshal has arrested a Denham Springs woman for setting her couch on fire to “get the devil out.” JoLynn Winn, 53, was booked into the Livingston Parish jail Friday on one count of simple arson. On August 11, the 4th District Volunteer Fire Department contacted the LAOSFM about a trailer fire in the 11000 block of Arnold Road. Officials said firefighters found Winn at the scene suffering from smoke inhalation. Officials said Winn told firefighters she had set the couch on fire “to get the devil out.” Winn had been taken to a local hospital for treatment before investigators arrived at the scene.

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Boner Candidate #2: THIS STALL IS OCCUPIED.

Authorities say a man wearing a wig, makeup, and women’s clothing tried to take a picture of a woman from under the stall divider of a South Carolina convenience store bathroom. Greenville Police said a woman told investigators she knocked on a stall door Sunday and heard a male voice, but wasn’t initially bothered after peeking under the door and seeing women’s shoes. But police say the woman then saw a cellphone appear under the divider from the next stall and called 911. Police told media outlets they arrested 38-year-old Shawn Thomas Hallett of Levelland, Texas, after finding a video of the woman on his phone. He was charged with voyeurism.

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Boner Candidate #3: PLUS YOU OWE US MORE MONEY FOR STORING YOUR LOVED ONE.

Two South Carolina funeral home workers have been indicted after authorities say they left a body to rot in an unrefrigerated room surrounded by air-fresheners for nearly three years because the woman’s family owed them money. Lawrence Robert Meadows and Roderick Mitchell Cummings, both 40, were charged Friday by a state grand jury with desecration of human remains. A conviction on the charge carries a sentence of one to 10 years in prison. They were supposed to cremate 63-year-old Mary Alice Pitts Moore after her funeral in Greenwood in March 2015, but instead left her remains in a locked room under blankets and “surrounded by fragrant items,” and even moved her body from one funeral home to another 65 miles away, according to a lawsuit filed by Moore’s family.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: THE DINE AND DASH DATER.

A man lambasted as the “dine-and-dash dater” after being accused of meeting women at restaurants across the Los Angeles area only to leave them with the bill pleaded not guilty to charges of theft and extortion on Monday, prosecutors said. Paul Guadalupe Gonzales, 45, allegedly connected with a string of women through dating apps and websites and invited them out to dinner between May 2016 and this April with the intent of using them as a meal ticket, the L.A. County District Attorney’s Office said in a release. He arranged dates at restaurants in Pasadena, Long Beach, Burbank and Los Angeles, where he ordered and consumed food and drinks, then disappeared before the bill had been paid, the DA’s office said.

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Boner Candidate #2: TRUELY AN EXPERT WITNESS.

A Montana man who was convicted of methamphetamine possession will be granted another trial after it was revealed that one of the witnesses in his trial was under the influence of methamphetamine when he testified. Derrick Thrush, who works as a forensic chemist for the state, was called as an expert witness in the trial of James Donald Bachtell to testify that the residue police found on a glass pipe when they arrested him in June 2017 was from methamphetamine. The next day Bachtell was convicted. Just two days later, an internal review at the crime lab uncovered the fact that Thrush had removed drug samples that were supposed to be destroyed. He then ingested some of the illegal drugs he had taken on his way to court to testify against Bachtell. He admitted to taking leftover meth from evidence bags five or six times but said he never used the drugs while at the crime lab.

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Boner Candidate #3: IF YOU ALLOW WOMEN TO DRIVE, IT’S ON YOU.

A Texas man whom authorities claim has a “dim” view of women was arrested this week, accused of firing shots at women drivers because he doesn’t believe they should be allowed behind the wheel, officials said.  Nicholas D’Agostino, 29, is linked to at least three road rage shootings, all occuring in the Houston suburb of Katy, officials said. He appeared before a judge Thursday night on charges of shooting two women in their cars in two separate instances, Fox 26 Houston reported.  In one case in March, a woman driver heard a loud noise while driving out of a gas station’s parking lot. After feeling a pain in her right arm she realized she had been shot, FOX 26 reported. D’Agostino faces a new charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon in connection with that case, the report said.

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