Boners

Boner Candidate Preview May 23, 2016

BONER CANDIDATE #1: SHE LOVES TO RIDE

A Texas mother is defending herself after a photo of her 7-year-old daughter sparked outrage on social media. Mallory Torres, the mother of the 7-year-old, had her boyfriend, John Hays II, pick her daughter up from school on his motorcycle. A driver snapped a photo of them on the bike and was later posted on a Corpus Christi bike Facebook page.

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BONER CANDIDATE #2: NO HAIRY GRADUATES

A student says his beard cost him the chance to walk across the stage for his high schoolgraduation, despite being the valedictorian. The “Student of the Year” at a Louisiana High School was not allowed to get his diploma at the graduation this week after running afoul of the district’s policy against student facial hair.

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BONER CANDIDATE #3: I’VE BEEN SICK

A TV reporter was arrested after he allegedly defecated on the front lawn near the subject of his story’s home. Jonathan Lowe, a reporter with KPHO, was arrested on Monday after a neighbor picking up his newspaper saw the 33-year-old leaning against a house and pooing.

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BONER CANDIDATE #4: THE OTHER PATRONS FEEL THREATENED BY YOUR BOOBS

A woman says that she feels humiliated after staff members at her fitness club told her that her breasts were too large for the tank top she was wearing. Rose Nickels belongs to the Movati Athletic Club in Ontario and said that the incident happened over the weekend.

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BONER CANDIDATE #5: IT WAS A HIDE AND SEEK ACCIDENT

Do your friends, family and/or significant other make fun of you when you’re freaked out by odd sounds in the night? Show them this story. Brad Sapp thought he heard a mysterious voice whisper, “Get out of here,” in the wee hours of Wednesday morning, when he was sorting cans at the redemption center he owns in Carroll, Iowa, the Daily Times Herald reports.

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BONER CANDIDATE #6: WHO WANTS TO PLAY GOLF WITH SMELLY OLD SCOTTISH GUYS ANYWAY?

Muirfield Golf Club, the site of 16 British Opens and the source of the written Rules of Golf, dating to 1744, has been stripped of the right to host the Open after voting against allowing female members. Of the 648 eligible voters, 616 cast ballots, with 64 percent in favor of admitting women. The resolution fell short of the two-thirds majority required to pass.

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