Boner of the Day

Boner Candidates May 20, 2016

Boner  Candidate #1: SO MOST TEXANS ARE GAY?

Texas Republicans are worried about which bathrooms people use, but maybe they should be more concerned with hiring a proofreader. Due to an apparent grammatical error, the party’s official platform — the Texas GOP’s policy goals for the upcoming election — declares that more than half of the state is gay: Homosexuality is a chosen behavior that is contrary to the fundamental unchanging truths that has been ordained by God in the Bible, recognized by our nations founders, and shared by the majority of Texans. Several sharp-eyed readers spotted a few problems with that plank in the party’s platform.  As the New Civil Rights Movement noted, the use — or misuse — of the comma in the sentence could suggest that homosexuality is “shared by the majority of Texans.”

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Boner Candidate #2: LOCK EM UP

Sen. Tom Cotton (R-Ark.) is criticizing efforts to reform America’s criminal justice system, arguing on Thursday that the country actually has an “under-incarceration problem” — even though the U.S. has the world’s largest prison population. Cotton gave a speech on criminal justice Thursday at the Hudson Institute, a conservative think tank in Washington, D.C. During his remarks, he argued that policy goals like reducing mandatory minimum sentences, restoring voting rights for felons and reducing barriers to employment for ex-offenders are misguided and “dangerous.” “The claim that too many criminals are being jailed, that there is over-incarceration, ignores an unfortunate fact: For the vast majority of crimes, a perpetrator is never identified or arrested, let alone prosecuted, convicted and jailed,” Cotton said. “Law enforcement is able to arrest or identify a likely perpetrator for only 19 percent of property crimes and 47 percent of violent crimes.

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Boner Candidate #3: IT’S A BUBBLE GUN. IT SHOOTS DANGEROUS BUBBLES.

A 5-year-old in Colorado is in hot water for bringing a gun to school. A toy bubble gun. The girl’s mother—Emma, no last name given—tells Fox 31 that she didn’t know her daughter had stashed the plastic toy in her backpack. She says she was shocked when the school called and told her to pick the kindergartener up. “Could we have a warning?” she says. “It blows bubbles.” But the school is standing its ground, saying in a statement that “despite the student’s age and type of item, this suspension is consistent with our district policy,” adding that other students have received one-day suspensions for similar infractions, such as packing Nerf guns.

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