Boners

Boner Candidate Preview August 15, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: YOU SHOULD BE LOOKING FOR TWO SHORT MEXICANS

A man is being held without bond after he was found showering naked with a hose next to a girls locker room at Key West High School. Three girls attending an overnight band camp at the school walked by Paiboon Sunthroncharti, 33, sometime after midnight on Saturday, Key West Police said. Band director Gary Hernandez told police that the girls were walking next to the girls locker room and saw a man completely naked, washing off with a garden hose, officials said.

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Boner Candidate #2: I’M NOT A CAT PERSON AND I COULD NEVER FIGURE OUT WHERE THEY CAME FROM

An older White City woman had a big heart for cats — too big as it turns out. She ended up with dozens and dozens, maybe as many as 100, and while she fed and cared for them, it became overwhelming. “I’m really not a cat person. I never owned cats,” says the woman, who is not accused of any wrongdoing and asked not to be identified. “I didn’t know how they bred. I started counting one night while I was feeding them, and there was more than 60.”

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Boner Candidate #3: WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY A TEDDY BEAR?

A 7-year-old Ohio boy who hadn’t eaten anything for days was trying to sell his teddy bear to get money for food, police said. Franklin police officer Steve Dunham told WLWT-TV on Thursday he found the boy in front of a CVS store last Sunday afternoon. The hungry child’s parents, Tammy and Michael Bethel, face child endangering charges after investigators said they found four older boys at the family home living among garbage, cat urine and cockroaches.

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Boner Candidate #4: ZIKA BE DAMNED

While fears of the Zika virus have kept some people away from the Olympics in Rio de Janeiro, for residents of one Russian town the more mosquito bites the better. At this weekend’s Russian Mosquito Festival in the town of Berezniki, 9-year-old Irina Ilyukhina won the “tastiest girl” category with 43 bites to show for going berry-picking in the forest with her mother. She was awarded a ceramic cup in recognition of the welts all over her legs. Unusually hot and dry weather in the Ural Mountains town, however, has greatly depleted the number of mosquitoes this year.

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Boner Candidate #5: YEAH, I STOLE THAT BABY AWAY AND IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO.

JONESBORO, AR (KAIT) The woman at the center of an issue at NEA Baptist Memorial Hospital where a baby was taken from one room to another patient’s room said she didn’t think she did anything wrong. Latasha Harris said she believes she did the right thing by taking the baby. “If nobody else is going to do nothing, Tasha is going to step up to the plate and do something,” Harris said. Tasha Harris said she was admitted to the hospital for sickle cell anemia and when she heard a baby crying, she went to another patient’s room and checked on her.

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Boner Candidate #6: EVIDENCE OR INSTINCT?

A West Jordan police official argued Thursday that mandating statewide testing of sexual-assault kits would take rape investigations out of law enforcement’s hands and cost unnecessary amounts of money, given the volume of allegations that officers know are false. While many at the Statewide Rape Kit Working Group meeting noted that studies have shown that 3 percent to 5 percent of rape allegations are false, Francine Bardole — West Jordan’s senior crime scene investigator — said the real number is higher, and that police often can tell whether an allegation is true.

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