Boners

Boner Candidate Preview July 19, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: THAT’S RIGHT…CRASHED INTO A BEER TRUCK

Any way you look at this story, the numbers aren’t good: There are the five previous times the female suspect, Lynly Broge, 53, of Butler County, Pa., was charged with DUI. And then there are the eight beers and muscle-relaxers she allegedly consumed before her latest incident – crashing into a beer distributor late last week. TribLive.com reports that Broge was traveling west on Route 68 about 7:30 p.m. Thursday when her car crossed the center line and rammed into a block wall in the parking lot of O’Donnell’s Beer Distributor in Oakland Township. Her Chrysler Sebring plowed into the building, with the owner just escaping injury — he had just stepped away from the office behind the wall struck by the vehicle, TribLive.com writes. With at least five DUI charges in the past decade, the latest on July 5, Broge was court-ordered to wear an alcohol-monitoring bracelet. But she was not wearing it during the crash Thursday, Pa. State Police told TribLive.com.

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Boner Candidate #2: I COULDN’T FIND NO CAR SEAT

A Pennsylvania mother is accused of stuffing her children, ages 3 and 5, into the trunk of a red Corvette and then driving around town. Hanover Borough police pulled over the two-seat sports car on July 10 after getting a 911 call from a person who saw someone placing two children in the car’s trunk. Authorities say the mother, 29-year-old Jessica Reger, was in the passenger seat. She faces two misdemeanor charges of endangering the welfare of children and recklessly endangering another person. A call seeking comment from her public defender wasn’t immediately returned Monday.

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Boner Candidate #3: YEAH. THIS IS A GUY YOU WANT TO SPEAK ON YOUR BEHALF

Eighties sitcom star Scott Baio, who is scheduled to address the Republican National Convention on Monday, shares the party nominee’s penchant for off-color tweets. Last week, Baio shared a meme that shows Democrat Hillary Clinton speaking in front of a banner reading “Country.” Clinton stands at a podium such that her body covers up the “O” on that banner, leaving the letters that spell out “cunt.” The text below the photo says “what difference does it make?” According to Baio, who tweeted the image to Donald Trump, this is “the best meme out there.” This distaste for Clinton seems to be at the core of the conservative actor’s approval for Trump, whom he has also praised for his stance on combatting the threat of the Islamic State and his “simple” manner of speaking.

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Boner Candidate #4: GOV. SCOTT, THIS IS YOUR PROBLEM

When Gov. Rick Scott recently asked President Obama to declare a federal emergency over the toxic algae catastrophe coating South Florida’s coasts, my head nearly exploded. It is the zenith of hypocrisy for Gov. Scott to plead for federal assistance on the algae bloom catastrophe when his entire record is hacking, whittling and chopping federal authority into little, little pieces. And not just any federal authority — specifically federal rules to regulate fertilizers and specifically federal actions to hold Florida accountable. Many decades ago, the U.S. EPA “delegated” full responsibility to Florida to manage the state’s water pollution regulations while preserving the federal right to protect all Americans’ air and water quality.

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Boner Candidate #5: MAYBE SHE JUST LIKES MICHELLE

This is very weird. One of the more uplifting sections in Melania Trump’s convention speech tonight is eerily similar to a passage from Michelle Obama’s convention speech in 2008. You can see a video comparison here. The similarity was first pointed out by Jarrett Hill on Twitter. There’s no explanation (yet) for how this happened. CNN reported that Melania Trump had been working with a speechwriter “for the last five to six weeks, honing her speech.” Before the speech, she told NBC’s Matt Lauer”I wrote it…with a little help as possible.”

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Boner Candidate #6: WHEN YOU HAVE AN AGENDA, FACTS BE DAMNED

Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus defended the 2016 Republican Party platform ahead of its convention in a July 17 interview with NBC’s Chuck Todd. While the platform isn’t yet in its final form, many observers have said the document so far lands to the right on social issues. Todd asked Priebus about the platform’s position on same-sex marriage. “It’s implying somehow that children of same-sex couples are more likely to be addicts, to engage in crime,” Todd said. “Do you mean to have it imply that?” Priebus replied that it’s possible for children of same-sex parents and single parents to have successful lives, but the best scenario is for children to grow up in a traditional opposite-sex household.

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