Boners

Boner Candidate Preview June 15, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: I AM NOT A PROSTITUTE; I’M A SUGAR BABY

Nina Peterson has made over $1 million being a companion to older rich men, but she insists she’s not a prostitute. “A sugar daddy invests in a woman that he feels has the potential to be an asset in his life,” she told Barcroft. “A prostitute is not an asset. Peterson, 37, is a “sugar baby,” a lucrative profession wherein a wealthy man will shower money, homes, gifts and luxurious vacations on a younger woman.  In Peterson’s case, the package deal also comes with ample plastic surgeries.

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Boner Candidate #2: RADIO SCUM

An Apopka radio personality has been kept off the air today for Facebook remarks implying that Pulse shooting victims were sexual deviants and their deaths should not be covered sympathetically in the media. “Watch now as the news stations hang around at another homosexual hang out as if we’re supposed to feel sorry for sexual deviancy,” wrote Jim Turner, who hosts an afternoon community talk show on AM station 1520 WBZW, according to a screenshot of the post.

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Boner Candidate #3: I TOLD YOU I’D PEE IN THE CAR

A Wixom man celebrating his 24th birthday at Northwoods Bar in South Lyon was arrested Sunday after he allegedly stole a cell phone from an employee there. South Lyon Police were called to the bar shortly before 8 p.m. Sunday after the bartender realized her phone was missing. She told officers she suspected two customers were responsible, as they were sitting near where she kept her phone while working. One of the patrons apparently was charging his own cell phone at the bar, using a plug behind the counter.

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Boner Candidate #4: HE WAS JUST CONFUSED

A man who woke up naked in a stranger’s house late Monday morning is unlikely to face criminal charges, according to the officer who found him there. The man, whose name has not been released, was discovered in the house on Sloat Court hours after his car was towed from the nearby Choctawhatchee Bay. Fort Walton Beach Police Officer Marcus Montgomery was in the kitchen with the homeowner discussing the car found in the bay when the man appeared, wrapped in one of her towels.

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Boner Candidate #5: FUNNY, FUNNY UTAH REPUBLICAN

Speaking of Facebook • Shortly after the terrorist attack in Orlando, Fla., here’s what a Utah Republican official posted on his Facebook page: “Note to self: Avoid gay dance club next week.” That was from Doran L. Barton, a member of the Salt Lake County GOP’s executive committee and the county’s chairman for Senate District 13, which spans three counties and has a district leader from each county. The senator for that district is Mark Madsen, R-Saratoga Springs, one of the Legislature’s fiercest gun advocates who pushed for a holiday to honor gun manufacturer John Browning.

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Boner Candidate #6: REPRESENTATIVE STEWART IS ON THE INTELLIGENCE COMMITTEE

Washington • Rep. Chris Stewart, a Utah Republican who sits on the House Intelligence Committee, told a national radio show Tuesday that the gunman who killed 49 people and wounded dozens more in an Orlando, Fla., club may not have acted alone. “I’ll be shocked if there weren’t others involved with this,” Stewart told radio host Hugh Hewitt. “I’ll be even more surprised if there weren’t some people around him that [were], to some level, aware of his intentions and could have warned us.”

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