Boners

Boner Candidate Preview June 22, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: SOMEBODY PLEASE, PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN

Local advocates point to Utah not fully expanding Medicaid as a contributing factor to the state’s plummeting children’s health ranking in a national report. And they’re not sure if the state’s small-scale expansion will help improve the number of insured children in the state. The annual Kids Count Data Book released Tuesday by the Maryland-based Annie E. Casey Foundation ranked Utah 27th in the country for children’s health based on 2014 data. Last year, the state was ranked seventh based on 2013 data. The drop “is concerning,” said Jessie Mandle, health policy analyst for Voices for Utah Children.

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Boner Candidate #2: HOORAY! IT’S TIME FOR THE DOG MEAT FESTIVAL

The annual Yulin Lychee and Dog Meat Festival, which will open this week coinciding with the summer solstice, has drawn domestic and international condemnation from people concerned with animal rights. But one aspect of the festival gets little attention: Why lychees with dog meat? There are hints in traditional Chinese medicine, which takes a holistic view of food. Ingredients are seen not just as a sum of carbohydrates, protein, fat and vitamins. They are believed to have yin and yang properties that contribute to the body’s internal balance.

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Boner Candidate #3: MOST WORKERS COULD USE A LITTLE FLOGGING

BEIJING — The training session started with a harsh public shaming. A performance coach took to the stage and asked eight employees at a Chinese bank to explain to a room of their peers why they had fallen short. “I didn’t cooperate well,” a woman said. “I wasn’t courageous enough,” another confessed. Then the session took a bizarre turn. The coach brandished a wooden stick and shouted, “Get your behinds ready!” He proceeded to slap the employees on their rears, going down the line four times. A woman recoiled in pain, and several workers gasped.

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Boner Candidate #4: PRAISE THE LORD AND PRAISE THE ORLANDO SHOOTER

In the wake of the attack on the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, Florida last week, many right-wing Christian religious leaders have celebrated the shooter’s actions, but a Texas pastor is taking that to a whole new level. Pastor Donnie Romero of Stedfast Baptist Church in Fort Worth told his flock he agrees “100 percent” with Baptist Pastor Roger Jimenez, who made news with his sermon advocating that the government should use a firing squad to “blow their brains out.”

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Boner Candidate #5: YOUR CHURCH SIGN IS BLASPHEMOUS

A pastor is decrying an angry phone message and social media posting from a school board member who’s also a Republican convention delegate about a church sign that reads: “Wishing a blessed Ramadan to our Muslim neighbors.” The Rev. Christopher Rodkey said he got a call June 11 about the sign outside St. Paul’s United Church of Christ, in Dallastown, Pa., from an unidentified man who called the sign “despicable” and referred to Islam as a “godless” and “pagan” religion.

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Boner Candidate #6: BABY POWDER + BLOW DRYER + WIFE = VERY BAD IDEA

Ardy Ruff of Little Rock, Arkansas, thought it would be cool to prank his wife, but it’s a joke that blew up in his face. Well, actually hers. Earlier this month, Ruff conspired with his young son to put baby powder in his wife Rachel’s blow dryer. Father and son expected a harmless “woosh” of white powder to come breezing out when Rachel turned on the blow dryer. That’s what happened. At first.  Then came the flames, enough to fill the bathroom. Ruff filmed the incident which has the maniacal laugh of the couple’s son as the soundtrack.

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