Boners

Boner Candidate Preview May 26, 2016

TOILET WATER SANDWICH

A woman accused of tossing a toilet-water-soaked sandwich at a court officer in Worcester last month was arraigned on an assault charge last week in court. The woman, identified in court records as 46-year-old Jane D. McKenna of Worcester, was in the Worcester Trial Court lockup on April 6. Court records do not say exactly why she was in custody at that time.

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YOUR BREAST CANCER IS NO EXCUSE

It was a regular Friday afternoon when Lin Riley was pulled over for a random breath test on Oxford Street, near Centennial Park in Sydney, Australia. Knowing she hadn’t consumed a drop of alcohol that day, the 68-year-old wound down her window and presented her licence to the police officer. “When the officer gave it back to me, he stopped and said, ‘What are you doing? What do you have on your seatbelt?’” Riley told news.com.au.

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I WANTED THE COPS TO FIND MY CAR FASTER

Memphis police spent hours searching for a 2-year-old that was reported missing. Now, police said they have determined the child was never missing. According to police, the initial report was that a 16-year-old drove off in a car with a 2-year-old inside without permission. The vehicle, with the 2-year-old inside, was reportedly taken from a Texaco gas station within the 2500 block of North Watkins Street.

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HERE’S AN IDEA…GO AFTER THE BULLIES

A North Carolina school system’s proposal to ban skinny jeans and other tight pants has drawn a flood of opposition from students and parents. The New Hanover County School System in the Wilmington area is considering a policy that prohibits all students from wearing leggings, skinny jeans and “any other excessively tight fitting pants” unless worn with a top or dress that “must cover the posterior in its entirety,” local media outlets report.

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READ YOUR OWN DAMN SHIRT LADY

A woman wearing a “Stop Domestic Violence” t-shirt was arrested on domestic violence charges after firing a gun during an argument with her husband inside the couple’s Maine home, police report. Emily Wilson, 38, was collared last week following a confrontation with her spouse Kyle over whether he was having an affair. During the argument, investigators allege, Wilson waved a handgun and fired a shot into the couple’s bed.

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Oh, that’s right, I forgot to mention: I shot a guy

On Tuesday, the police chief of Oregon’s largest city was placed on paid leave after allegedly misleading an investigator about a hunting accident last month. According to The Oregonian, Portland Police Chief Larry O’Dea failed to tell a responding officer he accidentally fired the shot that hit a friend in the back, instead suggesting the victim shot himself. According to Sheriff Ward, investigators only learned O’Dea was involved when they interviewed the victim almost a month later.

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