Boners

Boner Candidates April 20, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: I Had Dibs!

“I was angry because she was raped, that’s one thing. But she was so beautiful, the mayor should have been first. What a waste.” The mayor to whom he was referring, by the way, is himself, Rodrigo “Digong” Duterte, mayor of Davao City on the southern island of Mindanao in the Philippines. That’s the kind of dark, cruel joke most people would be embarrassed to tell (or even hear) in the privacy of their own homes, yet it’s one that Duterte, a front-running candidate for president of the Philippines, told publicly. A YouTube video showing the mayor making these statements recently surfaced and is causing an uproar even in a country accustomed to some raunchy politics.

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Boner Candidate #2: WHEELCHAIR THIEVES

Thieves have stolen a specially adapted $2,900 buggy belonging to a 4-year-old cerebral palsy sufferer who is waiting to undergo life-saving surgery. Bailey Walters-Lawrence was in Disneyland Paris on a special trip organized by the Make-A-Wish Foundation when her family home in England was targeted by heartless crooks. Devastated mom Shermel Walters-Lawrence said she believes the thieves knew the family was going to be away and that their victim was a disabled child.

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Boner Candidate #3: OH YOU WANTED THE GOOD SPERM? THE GOOD SPERM COSTS EXTRA.

When Angela Collins and her partner wanted to have a child, they reached out to a sperm bank in Georgia to look for potential donors. They thought they had found the perfect match in Donor 9623, described as a man with an I.Q. of 160 who was healthy and working toward his Ph.D. But in 2014, about seven years after Ms. Collins gave birth to their son, she and her partner, Elizabeth Hanson, made an upsetting discovery after learning the man’s identity through a donor sibling group. The donor had a history of mental illness and a criminal record, and had exaggerated his educational accomplishments, they say.

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