Boners

Boner Candidates August 15, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY A TEDDY BEAR?

A 7-year-old Ohio boy who hadn’t eaten anything for days was trying to sell his teddy bear to get money for food, police said. Franklin police officer Steve Dunham told WLWT-TV on Thursday he found the boy in front of a CVS store last Sunday afternoon. The hungry child’s parents, Tammy and Michael Bethel, face child endangering charges after investigators said they found four older boys at the family home living among garbage, cat urine and cockroaches. Tammy Bethel has since written on the Facebook page of the Franklin Police Department that she denies the allegations. Yet Dunham said the sight of the boy peddling a teddy bear upset him so much he took him to a Subway to get something to eat right away.

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Boner Candidate #2: ZIKA BE DAMNED

While fears of the Zika virus have kept some people away from the Olympics in Rio de Janeiro, for residents of one Russian town the more mosquito bites the better. At this weekend’s Russian Mosquito Festival in the town of Berezniki, 9-year-old Irina Ilyukhina won the “tastiest girl” category with 43 bites to show for going berry-picking in the forest with her mother. She was awarded a ceramic cup in recognition of the welts all over her legs. Unusually hot and dry weather in the Ural Mountains town, however, has greatly depleted the number of mosquitoes this year. Festival organizers had to cancel the traditional mosquito hunt, where participants try to collect as many of the insects as possible in jars.

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Boner Candidate #3: EVIDENCE OR INSTINCT?

A West Jordan police official argued Thursday that mandating statewide testing of sexual-assault kits would take rape investigations out of law enforcement’s hands and cost unnecessary amounts of money, given the volume of allegations that officers know are false. While many at the Statewide Rape Kit Working Group meeting noted that studies have shown that 3 percent to 5 percent of rape allegations are false, Francine Bardole — West Jordan’s senior crime scene investigator — said the real number is higher, and that police often can tell whether an allegation is true. Law officers sit “down and make that decision … on our investigation as to whether this should go forward or not,” Bardole said, adding that the cost and burden of mandated testing is “huge.”

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