Boner of the Day

Boner Candidates July 15, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: EXTERNAL FORCES (THE DEVIL) MADE ME DO IT

Josh Duggar may — or maybe not, depending on the source — be returning to his family’s TLC reality show. The prolific evangelical family is hurting for money, despite their occasional and flagrant abuse of free-food giveaways at fast-food joints, so they’re at least considering cashing in their eldest son’s molestation and adultery scandals for TV ratings. “Josh will appear on the next season of his sisters’ series,” a source told  InTouch. “The plan is for him to address everything he’s done. What he has to say will be ratings gold, and TLC — and the Duggars — know it.” The 28-year-old Duggar resigned from his job with the anti-LGBT Family Research Council last year after admitting to molesting four of his sisters and another girl while they were sleeping about a decade earlier. He then entered a Christian rehabilitation center for months after admitting to extramarital affairs when the Ashley Madison hack revealed his accounts on the adultery website.

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Boner Candidate #2: DON’T WORRY, THIS IS CIRCLE RIVER

MUSKEGON COUNTY, MI – They left for what they thought would be an easy float down Muskegon River Tuesday afternoon – but ended up spending the night on the river bank, scared and yelling for help. The trio of young women were rescued 20 hours later after a fisherman eventually heard their cries, said Muskegon Township Deputy Fire Chief Bob Grabinski. The women, all in their 20s, had never been tubing before and decided it would be a fun thing to do, Grabinski said. So  they bought some tubes and headed to the popular launch site at the Maple Island Road bridge, Grabinski said. “They were informed by somebody at the bridge that the river goes in a circle and if they put in there they would come back to their car,” he said. “Not knowing anything, they set off on their little adventure.”

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Boner Candidate #3: IT WAS THE WEAPON HE HAD AT HAND

A man accused of robbing a bank in southwest Florida covered himself in feces and threw it at deputies, according to the Lee County Sheriff’s Office. Dravion Hampleton, 25, was arrested Tuesday after deputies said he robbed a bank. While at the Lee County Sheriff’s Office, Hampleton asked to use the restroom, according to an arrest report. Deputies said he later emerged from the restroom covered in his own feces and threw it at them. According to the report, Hampleton tried to kick and pull away from deputies while he was being escorted into the back of a patrol car. Deputies said Hampleton also refused to identify himself, only giving a last name of Wells and no date of birth. Hampleton was arrested on charges of armed robbery, battery on a law enforcement officer and resisting arrest with violence.

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