Boner of the Day

Boner Candidate Preview July 18, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: NO EXCEPTIONS CANCER GIRL; YOU’RE OUT

A three-year-old girl with cancer was left heartbroken when she was told she couldn’t go to the movies because the backpack carrying her life-saving medical supplies was against house policy. Addison Wilson-Mitchell from Batemans Bay on the NSW south coast was in isolation for 43 days following a bone-marrow transplant as part of her intensive cancer treatment. On Friday she was finally allowed to venture somewhere other than her own home, car or hospital and chose Bay City Cinemas to see the latest Ice Age movie.

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Boner Candidate #2: I CALLED OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN

Some holders of electronic benefits transfer cards in the US state of Maine have found that dialing the phone number on the back of the cards gets them a sex line instead of their balance. A Maine government spokesman told the Sun Journal that officials were aware that the phone number on some welfare cards was off by one digit. Lj Langelier, of Lewiston, discovered the error when he went to check his EBT balance before going to the grocery store. What he got instead was a message welcoming him to “America’s hottest talk line”.

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Boner Candidate #3: I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO RUN FROM THE COPS

A Detroit man who was stopped after a brief police pursuit told troopers that running from police was on his bucket list. Michigan State Police say they spotted the driver of a 2014 Dodge Challenger driving recklessly around 1:30 a.m. Thursday and attempted to pull the vehicle over in the area of Interstate 96 and Greenfield Road. The driver did not stop and police began to pursue the man. MSP says the driver lost control of the vehicle and a short time later went up a curb, and kept going for a short distance.

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Boner Candidate #4: ARE THERE BLUE ELEVATORS AND RED ONES THERE TOO? I SURE HOPE SO

The Republican National Convention doesn’t start for another two days, but a sign marked ‘White Elevators’, already has onlookers raising their eyebrows over the disturbing resemblance to Jim Crow era segregation. The four-day convention kicks off on Monday in Cleveland’s Quicken Loans Arena, where party members are likely to solidify Donald Trump’s bid for presidency by officially nominating him. Byron Tau, a Wall Street Journal reporter who first spotted the signs, said they would be replaced, although the GOP may have bigger fish to fry as the party has fallen $6 million short of their $64 million fundraising target.

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Boner Candidate #5: I DIDN’T REALLY MEAN DEATH BY “HANGING”

Political rivals called on a West Virginia lawmaker to resign Saturday after he suggested on social media that Hillary Clinton be “hung on the Mall in Washington.” Republican Michael Folk, who represents Berkeley County in West Virginia’s House of Delegates, tweeted Clinton “should be tried for treason, murder and crimes against the U.S. Constitution … then hung on the Mall in Washington, DC.” Folk, a pilot for United Airlines, quickly received backlash online from hundreds of people.

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