Boners

Boner Candidates July 18, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: I DIDN’T REALLY MEAN DEATH BY “HANGING”

Political rivals called on a West Virginia lawmaker to resign Saturday after he suggested on social media that Hillary Clinton be “hung on the Mall in Washington.” Republican Michael Folk, who represents Berkeley County in West Virginia’s House of Delegates, tweeted Clinton “should be tried for treason, murder and crimes against the U.S. Constitution … then hung on the Mall in Washington, DC.” Folk, a pilot for United Airlines, quickly received backlash online from hundreds of people. United’s public relations team responded on Saturday that they were “investigating” and handling with “internal teams.” Folk has defended the message on First Amendment principles and told the Charleston Gazette-Mail that it was hyperbolic speech. “What I called for is for her to be tried and the maximum penalty for treason is death,” Folk told the newspaper. “Technically it’s not death by hanging. …” Folks said he had not been contacted by United.

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Boner Candidate #2: NO EXCEPTIONS CANCER GIRL; YOU’RE OUT

A three-year-old girl with cancer was left heartbroken when she was told she couldn’t go to the movies because the backpack carrying her life-saving medical supplies was against house policy. Addison Wilson-Mitchell from Batemans Bay on the NSW south coast was in isolation for 43 days following a bone-marrow transplant as part of her intensive cancer treatment. On Friday she was finally allowed to venture somewhere other than her own home, car or hospital and chose Bay City Cinemas to see the latest Ice Age movie. But after her parents Kristen and James bought tickets for Addison, her two brothers Bailey aged five and Ethan, 10, and themselves they were told they couldn’t take the bag inside. ‘My husband, who bought the tickets, tried to explain the backpack only had medicine, a change of clothes and vomit bags in case she spewed which she can as a side effect of her treatments,’ Mrs Wilson-Mitchell told Daily Mail Australia.

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Boner Candidate #3: ARE THERE BLUE ELEVATORS AND RED ONES THERE TOO? I SURE HOPE SO

The Republican National Convention doesn’t start for another two days, but a sign marked ‘White Elevators’, already has onlookers raising their eyebrows over the disturbing resemblance to Jim Crow era segregation. The four-day convention kicks off on Monday in Cleveland’s Quicken Loans Arena, where party members are likely to solidify Donald Trump’s bid for presidency by officially nominating him. Byron Tau, a Wall Street Journal reporter who first spotted the signs, said they would be replaced, although the GOP may have bigger fish to fry as the party has fallen $6 million short of their $64 million fundraising target. Tau first posted a photograph of the ‘White Elevator’ sign on his Twitter, adding: ‘I’m told it’s being replaced for obvious reasons.’ It is unclear why the signs were put up, but many were quick to point out the glaring oversight among RNC organizers for failing to see its similarity to signs common in the Jim Crow era, designating everything from water fountains to park benches as ‘whites only’.

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