Boners

Boner Candidates June 2, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: IT WAS LOVE I TELL YA.

A 24-year-old middle school teacher accused of having a months-long affair with a 13-year-old student — who got her pregnant — turned herself in Wednesday afternoon. Alexandria Vera was booked on charges of continuous sexual abuse of a child and released on $100,000 bail — a day after Houston police issued a warrant for the raven-haired English teacher’s arrest. She met — and fell in love with — the boy last summer at Stovall Middle School in Houston, according to court documents obtained by ABC 13. After the boy, now 14, skipped class one day, he sent Vera a message on Instagram, asking her for her number — and if they could hang out alone, according to KPRC Houston. Vera, who has a 4-year-old daughter from a separate relationship, told investigators at the District Attorney’s office that the very next day, she drove to his house when his parents weren’t home and had sex with him for the first time.

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Boner Candidate #2:WAIT. THIS IS NOT OUR GRANDSON.

A 65-year-old Orangeburg County grandfather’s case of mistaken identity at an elementary school led to the Orangeburg County Sheriff’s Office to investigate the incident. According to an incident report, the grandfather, identified as Joseph Fuller, went to Edisto Primary School to pick up his grandson early from school on May 19. When the grandfather arrived, the report said, he noticed a group of students leaving the gymnasium and he spotted a young man who he thought was his grandson. The report said the grandfather approached the boy, gave him a hug, and said he was there to pick him up early. He asked the boy, who he thought was his grandson, if he was ready to go and the little boy said “yes.” A teacher’s assistant told deputies that she asked the student, “Was this your granddad?” and the student said “yes.” At that point, the report said, the student and the man went to the front office so the boy could be signed out. According to the school, the grandfather was on the approved list of people who can pick up students. The report goes on to say the grandfather put the child in his car and his wife, without turning around in the car, handed the boy a Happy Meal.

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Boner Candidate #3: HOW ‘BOUT A CUP OF TANGY PROFESSOR PEE?

A classroom prank some BYU students say crossed the line. A student drank what she thought was her professor’s urine as part of a lesson on kidney function. The student got extra credit for slugging back a small vial. “I think that’s asking too much of students and it has nothing to do with how well we study or how well we actually know physiology,” said a student in the class who filmed the incident. Professor Jason Hansen teaches the class. He posted a note to his students three days after it happened. It reads in part: “Please rest assured that it was not really urine but rather food coloring and diluted vinegar.” In a statement sent to FOX 13 News, Hansen wrote that he has done this in the past with other classes, usually letting everyone in on the gag when the class next meets. He notes, part of the lesson is discussing how doctors once tasted the urine of their patients to screen for things like diabetes.

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